Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my husband and orgasmed. Three hours apart from each other. FML
Today, I got married to the love of my life, with whom I've been with for 5 years. It's also one of the 3 times a year where he's got so drunk that, instead of puking in the bed like last time, he puked all over the side of my car while I was driving us home. FML
Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML
Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
Today, I got married. During the reception my husband got drunk and told 200+ people that we met at a dingy bar and that we "totally banged" all night. I don't know what's worse, the fact he embarrassed me in front of everyone I know, or if it was that that was not how we met. Not even close. FML
Today, I married my best friend in the whole world at a small romantic venue. By that I mean I married my actual best mate while completely hammered at a drive-through wedding chapel. My fiancée is gonna kill me when she finds out. FML
Today, after almost two days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML
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Top comments
waveman56 3
on the bright side..... you had a good ******
underguarded 20
****** =win husband=fail fact that you married him= unexplainable
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Comments (172)
fylbear 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ehm eww ...?
curtmonster44 0
agreed
abc1231 2
ha! they said eww.. youngin'
ThaMilkshake 0
why eww?
mfmylifesrsly 30
12 obviously doesn't **********. hahaha
Judus_beej 0
106 you obviously do ;)
treesdevin 0
116 you obviouslyy do too ....****** creep.
millionaire93 0
my god, 116. be more creepy please.
WingsFan80 4
there is nothing creepy about that comment. it was simply an observation. you all are just jealous cause he posted what you were thinking first, and don't lie and say you weren't.
Jaydos 0
I like to **********
iliveinthesky_fml 0
As long as you had fun!
GuitarNukka520 5
haha like a champ
13AlibiesETF 6
Your sexy ^
max13_fml 8
hehe this has nothing to do with her fml but your a cutie :)
max13_fml 8
you look super cute in your picture :)
FirstBornUnicorn 0
My dick is like a jacuzzi, it gives girls orgasms.
unidentified_sta 5
Some assembly required first.
xFalzz 0
Jon Lajoie ftw.
purple_zebras_ 0
you look like your 12
mazzera_fml 7
12 mm?
abc1231 2
ummm... I say your bs-ing!
mbeasley14 0
I think this kid's comment deserves a Mickey Avalon quote: "My dick parts the seas Your dick farts and queefs My dick rumble in the jungle Your dick got touched by your uncle"
grandpaearthling 2
my duck super sized, your dick look like two fries
grandpaearthling 2
damn phone like a duck dick heehee
KidCracken 0
My dick sick and dangerous, Your dick quick and painless.
KingDingALing 9
Women are only good for three things... Cooking, cleaning, and ******.
teqifsha 0
You guys are stupid this is from Jon Lajoie not mickey avalon
KidCracken 0
Its mickey avalon and dirt nasty (aka jon lajoie)
superspoon 0
dirt nasty and jon lajoie aren't the same person.
KidCracken 0
Oh Yea, dunno why i thought that for a sec.. my mistake.. but the "my dick" track is still mickey avalon and dirt nasty
EatnBeef 7
my dick cost a late night fee yo dick got the HIV
fairuhrose 0
soooooo...get over it.
machiko_fml 0
Just be happy you got one, seriously.
unidentified_sta 5
Your username reminds me of Pokémon for some reason.
mazzera_fml 7
i WANT that jacuzzi!
sarah48_fml 0
same here! ha
AAShah 0
Get a vibrator. It's cheaper.
Shutuptroll 0
Maybe if weed was legal he would have used that as his recreational drug and not passed out. Also he would've lasted longer in bed. Legalizing weed = win/win, I dont see how the general public hasn't realized this yet!!
mbeasley14 0
You might be high if... you comment about legalizing weed on an FML about weddings.
grandpaearthling 2
or maybe he should do coke. then he'd be wide awake with a limp dick and she would never know what she was missing. it would be nice if they legalized weed so all the twinkie eaters would shut the f*ck up.
Shutuptroll 0
I quite possibly was...
zippit09 0
Wrong. It would take about 800 joints in a short time to OD on weed, and you'd pass out long before that. Plenty of sources on the web if you aren't sure what you're talking about. Edit: Not to say that there aren't risks, but that isn't one of them.
zippit09 0
Gah tried to edit but didn't notice in time - didn't read the comment properly. Please ignore.
biwinning88 1
yeah if he smoked weed there a huge possibility
biwinning88 1
yeah if he smoked weed there a huge possibility of limp Dick, or he wouldn't have been able to get off... then either way he's pissed. but yeah hot tub ******, awesome and its natural to ********** I don't get all the ewws
max13_fml 8
dumb ass....
screwedup92 5
and that's why I left my ex lol
bekah22587 0
Those are the best ones ;-D. Sorry about your husband but he wouldn't have been that good anyway.
Mons_fml 27
you left your ex for a jacuzzi? yeah you ARE a screw up.
glorialaura21 8
You're a screw up if you don't leave your boyfriend for a jacuzzi. Boyfriends are overrated!