Today, I got married to the love of my life, with whom I've been with for 5 years. It's also one of the 3 times a year where he's got so drunk that, instead of puking in the bed like last time, he puked all over the side of my car while I was driving us home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML
Today, I married my best friend in the whole world at a small romantic venue. By that I mean I married my actual best mate while completely hammered at a drive-through wedding chapel. My fiancée is gonna kill me when she finds out. FML
Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
Today, my husband drank way too much white wine at a wedding and projectile vomited all over me and my car while I was driving. We were 5 miles from home and I have emetophobia (the fear of vomit/vomiting). FML
Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML
Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML
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Top comments
ojosRojos 28
In sickness and in health?
Inkoseh 33
Honestly, along the side of your car is so much easier to clean than the bed. Carwash is a bonus! I mean, I'm assuming you meant outside your car..
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Comments (11)
ojosRojos 28
In sickness and in health?
inappropes 31
Just 3 a year? not too bad. I bet you've done the same to him.
Inkoseh 33
Honestly, along the side of your car is so much easier to clean than the bed. Carwash is a bonus! I mean, I'm assuming you meant outside your car..
jbuckets_404 39
I doubt that she meant the out-side of the car door.... She/ they gambled and lost that bet! And you can put a plastic/ rubber sheet on the mattress after the first time.
Inkoseh 33
I'm not sure, it should mean he stuck his head out, and it went all down the side of her car while driving. I'd be more apt to believe inside if it states "Puked inside/passenger side" And mentioned having to deal with the smell the rest of the ride home. (There was no smell complaint!)
jbuckets_404 39
Yea, 3x annually? Sounds like a winner! /sarcasm But even the "love of your life" can be an idiot/ jackass. Just sayin'....
blondie45 21
You don’t have very high standards in marriage partners, do you?
dasin 18
this seems more of a brag then a fml
bloopaloop 27
CONGRATULATIONS!!! Is what everyone else meant to say too, I’m sure.
caffeinecat 9
If you knew that he does this 3 times a year, you also knew what you were getting yourself into and still married the guy. YDI