Today, I got into an argument with my wife over how she spends too much time with her gay best friend. Now she says that if I want to ever get intimate with her again, I'll have to let her watch as I give him a striptease. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
What goes around…
Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML
Creepy
Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so having a friend nearby is a huge win for her. What my wife doesn’t know is that her new friend keeps hitting on me, and has already sent me unsolicited nudes. FML
Permission granted and rejected
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Make your mind up
Today, I had threesome with my wife and her best friend. Now my wife is mad at me for sleeping with her best friend. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a fight about his pervert friend who regularly shows blatant disrespect for our marriage, including sending me inappropriate texts. Apparently this friend should have my full trust, and apparently I am the one with the issue for not excusing his bad behavior. FML
Healthy relationship goals
Today, my husband told me to stop being friends with my best guy friend because I won't let him hang out with his ex. FML
Not sure that's how it works
Today, after getting sick of my boyfriend pestering me for a threesome, I invited a male friend over. My boyfriend strongly declined, because, "Hell no, I ain’t gay." So this man expects me to be a lesbian, but him being gay is a problem. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
What are you doing?
Today, I started doing a striptease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML
Sounds like a sitcom
Today, I had to warn the decorator we hired to stop being inappropriate with my wife or I’d fire his ass. Turns out not only is he gay, like super gay with his husband on Facebook, he’s also my wife’s old college buddy. He started crying on our sofa and my wife hit me with her handbag. FML
Top comments
k8izgr8_fml 0
well OP what's more important to you? your pride and masculinity, or getting laid? START UNDRESSING
Jakesterk96 8
Get a lesbian and make her your best friend, problem solved.
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Comments (250)
jDCrackpot 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI for trying to argue with a woman. It never works.
Jakesterk96 8
Get a lesbian and make her your best friend, problem solved.
FruityLoooons 8
Simply tell her you're not into that. I don't see any other way to go around this. I mean...unless you're bi-curious? Either way, it's up to you whether or not you'll carry out your wife's fantasy. Personally, I'd tell her to **** off and then hang with my own friends.
jDCrackpot 7
I'm pretty sure his wife doesn't actually expect him to do it. It's probably just her way of soliciting a grovelling apology from her husband, that she can later bitch about with her gay best friend. But seriously OP, go apologise, and get over that she wants to spend time with her friend.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Go check out OkCupid's Blog post on "Gay Sex vs. Straight Sex". It's a pretty interesting and sometimes funny read, with lots of charts. It might help some of you put a couple things into perspective. ;)
XxDevilxXGt 26
What you do in this situation is... "Challenge accepted!Let's see who can hold out longest." all you have to do is show no interest in sex and you win eventually. Remember, females want it just as much as guys do, don't be fooled.
SmellyPikachu 0
Jdcrackpot, you should become my girlfriends gay best friend:) and I'll be hoping for this to happen!
ColdplaySucks 18
Tell her that big dicks in your ass is bad for your health.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Yeah, not every gay/bi guy has a big penis, or likes big penises. That's stereotyping and IMO a bad joke...
LiyIa_fml 8
I'd only do it if I got paid.
soccerguy2 11
yell your wife you will do it if afterwards she does the same thing to a girl for you.
_Oblivion_ 12
Woman have sexual needs also, just wait and she'll ask soon enough. If not, find a differant way
evilteddybear 0
Little brother: i just had sex! Big brother: o rly? Y dont u sit down and tell me about it Little brother: ... I still can't sit down
gman90210 18
Yep she probably wants to have both in her at once or she wants to see her husband getting screwed by her so called gay friend. And if that's the way it is then its time for the big D
GovernorGeneral 8
Wwhats a striptease? ^_^
SeaMen 3
tell her to **** off....and when she's asleep SUPRISE BUTT SEKSS
bobofomo1234 1
nice pic!
chili10 18
Shrooms, I don't know why you got voted down so much. I checked it out and thought it was really interesting. People are probably just too lazy to google it.
Boomshadow 3
Failing to see a problem here.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
The only one I see is the ultimatum OP's girlfriend gave him. She could have discussed this with him another way, but I suppose she must have had the right hunch about him being reluctant to try something like that. Different strokes for different folks, but it sucks when your significant other doesn't share your sexual fantasies. OP, maybe you two can talk about it and find some kind of middle ground.
ICATiger 13
Shrooms it's OPs wife not girlfriend. Just saying.......
TheMaster15 10
2- i doubt any straight man would want to strip for a ****. That's the problem there.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
31- Eh, same thing. If you're in a serious enough relationship with a girlfriend she might as well be your wife. The difference is a ring and some papers, really.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
#32 - FYI, "****" means same, so to say "a ****" would mean that's you're saying "a same". It would be "a homosexual" to make it correct (Sorry, it's just an annoying pet peeve I have). Also, when you say "i doubt any straight man would want to strip for a ****", it just goes to show how much you don't know and that you just assume things that may not be true. In this case, the OP wouldn't give a striptease to his wife's gay best friend, but it could be another straight man's fantasy to give a homosexual a striptease. Be open-minded or at least don't say things that aren't facts. Thanks.
superpoptart 24
A few people fail to see that 2 was joking here.
rivera323 5
Probably because you're gay!
HaleyStutler 0
Are you gay?
travinator41 2
Do it, you might get a threesome out of it.
RedPillSucks 33
I don't thing a MFM threesome is what he had in mind.
OhHushDear 11
Whatever happens OP, can you at least tape it and send it to me? ;) Sounds like this could get sexy.
mudkipsan 19
More like MMF
AddeU 0
The golden rule.
chlorinegreen 27
"It's OK when it's in a three-way It's not gay when it's in a three-way With a honey in the middle there's some leeway... " - The golden rule But really it's not okay to push someone into that. I would consider counseling and at worse divorce.
CaptainPickles72 18
Remember, there is no eye contact with the other guy while in a devils 3-way!
teyyoshi 19
what does MMF mean?
chlorinegreen 27
Male-male-female I'm guessing. Its a threesome with two men and a female.
Hammer940 7
That's the wrong threesome!
geko911 22
Sry but am I the only one here who wouldn't want a threesome?? Hell I wouldn't wanna share my wife with a gay person that most likely doesn't want the girl ( he would want the guy... That's why MMF...) so fk the bloody threesome and talk to your wife when the dust settles... Ohh and btw... The friend is fkg gay stop the paranoia man he wouldn't wanna get his penis in your wife even if she was naked ( if he truly is gay ).
Alihb 16
EZIO!!!!!!!
k8izgr8_fml 0
well OP what's more important to you? your pride and masculinity, or getting laid? START UNDRESSING
BrickWalls 2
^^Agreed^^
GhostlyGhoulish 1
I fear for op's butthole
Fiskerz 0
Fyl your wife is a idiot.
attaboy368 20
I was thinking the same. What happens if he agrees to this? I mean if he does this will she harp on him every time they disagree say things like you are really gay cause you did this? Even though it was her idea I think it could end badly for op........
euamo 0
I was thinking that! If getting laid is that important to you ten go for it!
DryHumor 4
I'd seriously dump the bitch right then and there.
geko911 22
211 - I tougt you ated "h"'s.. If so ten wy write "h"ate o.o... (troll warning don't ate)
TKello 6
It sounds like your wife wants to get into her friend's pants...
Canicula_fml 2
Sounds like it to me, you're her surrogate foreplay with him. All you have to do is throw your pride out of the window and you're good for some sexy fun. Of course you may regret this once she knows that your self respect is open to blackmail, so maybe you need to decide now, how low does your bar go?
RedPillSucks 33
High jump or limbo?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
6, What does this have to do with self respect? It's just people's biased, judgmental opinions. I would say what OP has to throw out the window is his inhibitions. There's a chance he might find himself enjoying it. It's perfectly normal to be at least a little curious. Since there's less of a stigma for same-sex relations between women, a large portion of them admit to having felt sexually attracted to other women. I wonder what the true percentage would be for men, were there not these preconceived notions about the subject?
Callyn 47
If he does it because his wife is forcing him to through withholding sex, that has everything to do with self respect. His wife is trying to humiliate him over an argument which is sadistic and wrong. OP, tell her to go **** herself. If you're interested in saving this relationship, counseling of some sort is probably in order. Get some.
Awsumuzzie 12
I'm going to pull out my handy dandy fake psychology diploma and say that women are attracted to eachother regardless of the population's opinions. We love looking at each others bodies... more or less for envy, but we love it. Doesn't mean we act on it, though.
TheNewGuy03 29
Callyn is right. It's pretty clear that the wife is at fault here, regardless of who started the argument. This is her way of proving that she has the upper hand; to let you know who's truly the "boss" in the relationship. She doesn't wanna talk it out; she wants to embarrass the shit out of you, hold it over your head, and make you feel like you should never, ever **** with the Queen Bitch. Don't let this get out of hand, OP. |the kid|
Climaxx 11
You better start unzipping. But c'mon, everyone needs a best friend.
Chad_the_Brony 0
**Who's gay. I'm a straight guy and I have a gay friend. He's cool as hell. I don't care if you're gay, off you treat me right, I'll treat you the same. Too bad not many guys think that way.
Wederoney 16
161,I think that way. Also, true story bro.
WeTodEd 5
Your best friend is supposed to be your wife or husband!
ICATiger 13
Wonder who enjoyed the striptease more......
upyourzlolz 11
I would the most.
crazyrunnergirl 7
That sucks but you kinda brought it upon yourself
Mipz 2
91- for bitching.
MikeyFilth13 0
time for a divorce or a good hitman!
emodude44 0
I charge 2000 per small contract. 4000 for larger contracts. All prices are negotiable, and subject to change based on the terms of the contract I'm choosy over my targets, and I will throughly investigate you and your target. If I find the job worth it, I will take it. If not, you won't hear from me again. I do not meet in person, so all my business is conducted over the phone by my assistant. I am very discreet, and very good at what I do.
ILEIKGURLS 0
Chekowsky... We meet again.
upyourzlolz 11
You're too inexperienced. This job isn't for you.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Hundreds of kills, armory of weapons, be able to strike fear into my victims before the assassination, I'M YOUR MAN. Meet me at location Thunderbirs Alpha to discuss rates, the targer, and the method of death.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Remember i'm the one with the accent, cheers...
sheethapins 13
Plutonium is my middle name, and destroying vile women is my game. I charge nothing, I consider small hits as practice for world domination, and my alias is fool proof. While you think it over, I'm late for a diaper change.
Pelreskovich 11
What's the issue with her spending time with her gay friend? Get over it and quit being paranoid.
Canicula_fml 2
That depends on the time, if you're married to someone and they spend every all their time hanging out with someone, you'd be irritated, regardless of whether there's anything to be suspicious of.
Zomg_Okay 27
Well, it depends. For all we know, she's out and about with him for several hours every day. That would be unreasonable.
Drnightingale 4
The problem is that she is spending all of her time with her gay best friend.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
22, I don't see how seeing any friends for several of hours every day is unreasonable. Even married couples need time away from each other.
girl112891 7
OP as a husband need time with his too. I wonder how his wife would react if OP spent allot of time with a gay woman?
Awsumuzzie 12
I think you guys forgot that another big problem is the sexual acts have ceased until he performs a show for the gay guy. I wouldn't be surprised if the gay guy used her to get to the husband, haha. I've had it happen to a couple of friends of mine.
shadowch 4
Maybe he is not even gay... I know several guys who have played that way to avoid bf problems until they do get the gf to have sex
Mipz 2
I think she'd know if her " gay best friend" wasn't gay.