Classic

Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML

Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML

Don't you want me baby?

Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML

Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

Busted

Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML

Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML

The art of seduction

Today, I took a bath and dressed in a skimpy lingerie. I sat on the couch for an hour and a half before giving up and putting on my boyfriend's old t shirt. It was then that he decided to comment. On the t shirt I was wearing. FML

Turned on… and off

Today, I was washing the dishes when my wife came in wearing a new lingerie set, smiling at me. I dropped what I was doing and carried her to bed. After we'd finished, she went downstairs for a drink, saw the dishes I hadn't cleaned, and started a fight. Now I'm on the couch. FML

Why would you do that?

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched, "What are you doing with my panties!" FML