Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, I freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I'd be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML
Today, I went to a party dressed as a zombie. Everyone admired my hilarious "zombie dancing". Those were my regular dance moves. FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
Today, I realised I have no friends circle to call my own, no motivation to conquer the day, and no confidence to put my life back together, all because I failed the test that could get me closer to my dream job. FML
Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
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Top comments
TheHarvest 7
remember cardio!
SasaCeceGogo 18
Your answer: Watch The Walking Dead.
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Comments (147)
PenguinBitch 44
With the Twinkies gone I'd say you definitely lack survival.
mybluedream 8
Such a sad, sad truth.
happle 21
You could always make them yourself. It's basically egg whites and pound cake mix filled with Crisco and powdered sugar.
zombieslayer83 19
Just don't die!..... That was a joke guys!
Cbizzlez 10
Just pull a Bill Murray, then at least the zombies won't get you
ManInTheMachine 20
But then he'll get a shotgun to the chest. Not much better in my opinion.
zombieslayer83 19
BILL ****** MURRAY!
Cbizzlez 10
Hopefully he learn from bills mistake and doesn't try to **** with people
maz95 17
I would be too! Being prepared for a zombie apocalypse is no joke.
thatonename 7
Actually.... It really is... Last time I checked, preparing for a hypothetical attack by imaginary creatures isn't anything but a joke...
maz95 17
..it's called sarcasm.
SasaCeceGogo 18
@22 that is one of the biggest fails. The zombie apocalypse will will get you first.
thatonename 7
I kinda figured/ hoped it was sarcasm. But with how zombie crazy everyone has gotten lately it gets really hard to tell who's sarcastic and who's just stupid. And there was a bit of thread jacking only because your comment fit my mini-rant the best. I apologize.
zombieslayer83 19
I guess I'm a dork, because I actually have a very detailed plan to survive said apocalypse.
thatonename 7
You're not a dork, just waisted some time. I'm sorry, thumb me down, I don't care. There will not be a zombie apocalypse. There are no zombies. And yes anyone who spends time preparing for it is waisting time and resources better spent on just about anything.
ManInTheMachine 20
You should probably spend more time learning how to spell "waste" before you tell others about how they're "waisting" their time.
Enslaved 38
Live in Miami and you will become a believer.:P
happle 21
42 is right, hobbies are such a waste of time. We should just spend every minute at work or something and not waste time on personal interests.
thatonename 7
Sorry 53, I hit one wrong button and my phone auto-corrected without me noticing. You're right, I should take 30 sec. per key stroke to make sure I have no mistakes. That's not a "waist" of time. And I'm pretty sure I never said anything about anyone's hobbies. If zombies are your hobby, fine. Go to a zombie bar, throw a zombie party, hell, watch all the "Walking Dead" that you want. But when people are spending thousands of dollars and devoting their entire lives preparing for a scientifically impossible scenario, yes that is a waste of time and money. Hell, from jersey shore to zombies... I'm done with this stupid ass country. (hops on plane and flies away while everyone cheers.)
zombieslayer83 19
97, the show isn't called "Walking Dead" it's The Walking Dead"! Just saying.
fromthesuck 8
The thing about the zombie scenario is it could be applied for just about anything. The whole idea is those who are prepared will survive. Which is pretty fitting for most scenarios
thatonename 7
100) you definitely got me there. I don't really watch the show, but i have seen it and did actually enjoy it. I don't just hate everything related to zombies. I just don't understand how someone can spend like $100,000 on a bunker or something like that. There's just so many better ways that money could be used. In short, sorry for being a little piss about everything. You sounded pretty into the whole zombie thing, and I generally try not to be such an ass. I apologize to all.
ManInTheMachine 20
97-And it's that ignorant attitude that makes you so very stupid. Nobody is asking you to spend "30 seconds per keystroke" to write something out. That's a complete over exaggeration. Looking for errors in a comment isn't a waste of time, either. It'll prevent you from making yourself look like a moron, and an arrogant one, as you just did. If you think proof-reading is a waste of time, then good luck getting through university.
ManInTheMachine 20
Don't be the hero, and you should be fine.
Shenanigans9 8
Do be the hero. Oherwise you might live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
viper8608 9
you always got to have this one thought in the back of your mind when entering a room. if zombies attack right now, what is my exit strategy?
Valiumknights44 12
Remember the cardinal rule of double tap. Also remember your cardio and also limber up. I have put all of these measures in place while training for the far more likely Robot Apocalypse.
Reaper1984 13
that I could actually see happening
Valiumknights44 12
I'm doing my part to spread the word and prepare myself against the robot menace.
FayBerry88 11
It's all about who you know. Start hanging out R&D nerds. They've got a plan for every apocalypse.
Kelishas 9
There's no time like the present to get started
asb818 14
Just remember you don't need to be the most prepared, you just need to have "friends" who you can outrun.