Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was so angry, she stabbed me in the hand with a plastic fork. FML
Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the second grade. FML
Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML
Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML
Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML
Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML
Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML
Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
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Top comments
cyanidesandwich 21
Still a better love story than Twilight.
PaulieXP 16
Guess you need to fork over some cash for a therapist
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Comments (144)
cyanidesandwich 21
Still a better love story than Twilight.
ShyAnn29 15
Still an overused joke.
jogihoppa8343 23
jokes are no longer funny if told twice.
assassinbanana0 20
I wouldn't say told twice rather than told every single time in a relationship FML
soupermeal 10
people need to stop saying this it's already been a shitty joke since 2010
euphoricness 28
Jokes can be used as much as possible as long as they pertain well to the subject, and in this case, 1 did very well!
cyanidesandwich 21
Eh, it was the best comment I could come up with after spending a long, sleepless night on the interwebs.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
That is a terrible comment. First of all, enough with the Twilight bashing. Second of all, it is NOT okay for a kid, or any person of any age, to stab someone with a fork. If this is how he reacted in kindergarten, what will he be like in high school, when he might actually be mature enough to go on a date? If anyone would even do so for a reason other than fear of being stabbed. OP, I hope you majorly disciplined that son of yours with a pop on the ass, revoked privileges, and a time out at the minimum. Tell him that isn't okay no matter what the circumstances. Just...ugh, kids these days disgust me, and so does the lack of parenting.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
#1, That is a terrible comment. First of all, enough with the Twilight bashing. Second of all, it is NOT okay for a kid, or any person of any age, to stab someone with a fork. If this is how he reacted in kindergarten, what will he be like in high school, when he might actually be mature enough to go on a date? If anyone would even do so for a reason other than fear of being stabbed. OP, I hope you majorly disciplined that son of yours with a pop on the ass, revoked privileges, and a time out at the minimum. Tell him that isn't okay no matter what the circumstances. Just...ugh, kids these days disgust me, and so does the lack of parenting.
DWynter 11
Normally, I'd just roll my eyes at this joke. But, somehow, it works.
cyanidesandwich 21
@98/100, 539 people say otherwise...
rosenkrieger223 24
I think cyanidesandwich clearly wins this round by a landslide. I don't think we even have consolation prizes for the other contestants (namely 98/100), other than this voucher for a free attitude adjustment.
cho_bee 9
That line is a classic!
sergei_yusef 11
Haha no way dude, no freakin way XD
bbpgrs 7
beat me to it!
liamjames2 12
in before the "forkin' hell!" faggots.
Ki11erC 18
So that's you then?
djbrisvegas 9
Kids turn out how you raise them
K410 18
Kids say the darnedest things :p
Wizardo 34
#3, I doubt OP has stabbed women after rejection and I doubt it even more that he has taught his son to do the same.
mimiminx 23
So every rapist, murderer etc has their parents to blame?
Mossears133 15
There's a reason so many parents have to teach little kids to "use your words", most little kids automatically lash out when upset.
K410 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Man gtfo you thumbs down ****** I said nothing wrong
jkmartinjk 16
I cut my 'older buddy's' hair when I was in kindergarten, because she wasn't paying enough attention to me... my parents never taught me to do shit like that.
phoneYuNOlisten 16
Okay, with your logic #3, your kids will be assholes.
Metal_Chick 15
25-Not particularly but many studies have shown that in the majority of cases these individuals did grow up in "bad homes" and have dealt with "bad parents". I've had to read and write reports on cases that deal with psychopaths and criminals many times, since I am working on my MA for Psychology.
crymore007 11
Yes, because every single one of your actions and words are the direct result of how your parents raised you, and there are absolutely no other influences in the world that shape who you are. Valid point
bigpops 12
then you're just a psycho....
kakarot2 11
not particularly.... notice he didnt say in all cases. it is in fact nature and nurture. Some kids who are adopted tend to behave very similarly to their biological parents even though they were raised differently. Some actually grow up to be very different than their biological parents. There are a lot of factors involved but there isnt that much of a stretch when he said kids grow up to be like who they are raised, if they see violence at home they will imitate. The kid might punch you in the left cheek instead of the right, but point is they imitate violence. (again.. in A LOT of cases but not all)
PhishloverA 14
Wow #3... Please tell me you're just trolling
flashback.miss 28
FYL? No F that girl's life! Sounds like your son issues, have him talk to someone quickly. Hopefully it wasn't a metallic fork.
jessi_sunshine 26
At first when I read this FML, I was thinking, "Oh, how cute! He asked her to marry him. That's nice!" And then it took a totally different direction and he stabbed her with a fork.
Lacist 19
Today, I got a call from my daughters kindergarten teacher. Apparently my daughter was stabbed with a fork by some lunatic boy who she didn't want to marry. FML
illusong 16
What's with everyone having picture of a creepy eye
FimogenFeels 14
Domestic violence early on?
starile 20
#88, these people with terrible eye diseases are too blind to realize they chose for their profile pic an image of their ******* diseased eye. Just... Don't look straight at them. Maybe they'll go away.
DJisHere11 19
#88 it may look like #75's profile picture is of an eye, but it's just soap and water in a sink. Your probably talking about the other picture of an eye which is very disturbing.
illusong 16
#112 Huh. I never looked at it that way. I dont know whether thats cool or just plain creepy #104 haha your probably right but its hard not to look at a leech sucking an eye and an eye that looks like the one from the ring
PaulieXP 16
Guess you need to fork over some cash for a therapist
Grauncho 27
Be prepared to see him in the news when he gets older.
worldclassrager 41
Tough love...if they stay in school together long enough it might pan out...
TheLittleBear 19
You never know, it might make for an amusing wedding anecdote.
sioux4 17
Or she could forever hold a grudge against him... Ya never know.
worldclassrager 41
Time will tell...
TheLittleBear 19
Haha yes it could go either way...although probably not. (I guess I hadn't had my cup of tea when I wrote the above comment, I didn't realise how odd it sounds until now)
starile 20
"Remember how you got that stab scar in your face, honey? Good times."
darknamine 9
Well... Time to get rid of all sharp objects you own and start showing him female respect videos
Prolux_fml 23
I think universal respect is more important, but to each their own.
bigpops 12
do they make those?
jpest17 5
Who said he only did it to girls? He may get in fights with boys too.
kwyk 23
He's learning how to treat the ladies young
Shrouds 14
he's a lady killer
starile 20
Practice for when he pokes them when he's older.
zahra_786 19
Let's hope he learns to deal with rejection before he gets older! but don't worry OP, he's young and just needs to be told whats acceptable and what isn't.
DyslexicPanda 12
He did deal with.. It just happened to be mafia style..
LOL4LIFE360 14
or see a good therapist