Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML
Today, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend just got married because his "real" girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my pregnant girlfriend asked me if she should take a pregnancy test to make sure the baby is really hers. FML
Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sweet_candy_ 17
She probably thinks you will be stupid enough to fall for it.
DocBastard 40
Your **** has obviously been whoring around without your knowledge. Take some responsibility for it, stupid. /King Missile
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (256)
saywhatme 0
Phone sex?
Happygofucky 0
**** the child's life for having a mother so incredibly retarded.
laden_swallow09 35
I was just thinking that. Ya beat me to it! Goes to show that LDRs rarely work. Either way, FYL, OP
sportyfreaK15 0
dumb a$$
hcovballer247 0
ha ha hahahahahaha. ur life sucks
Stixx55 2
what's worst is that you're still referring to her as your long distance girlfriend.
SilenceIsSilver 0
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
SilenceIsSilver 0
Thanks Nutsack, now I'm gonna think about that every time I have my period:I
EVELYNandDIEGO 0
honestly sperm live for a long time of period and could be sitting there so must likely if she is being faithful towards you then the baby could be yours. have you ever taken Health class!!!!!
Stixx55 2
I hope your kidding. lol. dude said he ain't c her in 6 mths.
yourmurderscenex 13
"he ain't c her" really??!
Lisa89 3
Fail. on so many levels. Sperm can last days in the uterus, not months.
daybowbow 0
The sad part is that Stixx STILL makes more sense than Evelyn.
mogo9278 0
I work at an ob clinic and just FYI sperm can only live inside a woman for a maximum of five days. so no it's still absolutely impossible that the baby is his.
Photographer2188 0
^ word.
EVELYNandDIEGO 0
funny !
2010shawn2011 0
all I can say is winner winner chicken dinner. marry this one. lmfao!!!
nicolangelo 5
laughed so hard when I read this comment