Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML
Today, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend just got married because his "real" girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my pregnant girlfriend asked me if she should take a pregnancy test to make sure the baby is really hers. FML
Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML
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Top comments
sweet_candy_ 17
She probably thinks you will be stupid enough to fall for it.
DocBastard 40
Your **** has obviously been whoring around without your knowledge. Take some responsibility for it, stupid. /King Missile
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Comments (256)
mendozaale 0
wow i've herd of idoits but she's a real dumbass
ChinaBabylove69 0
I have to say that your comments are really funny, and your not a loser,I'm terribly sorry .
GarageRock 3
did you at least get some from her??
silverstream20 20
21 are you serious? Chuck Norris the god of us all and his awesomeness shines brighter than the sun believe it
joshosh420 2
goodbye lol
omg112 0
oh no. typical ******.
cristy91 33
Maybe she refuses to admit that an affair resulted in her getting pregnant. It's a hard for some to handle that their one time fling knocked them up, so by saying it's you she's saving herself the shame, plus, if you repeat a lie enough, you believe it and the world is defined by your reality.
bbaabobulz 3
you should have gone off on her and made he cried alittle , then maybe just maybe her dumbass would understand that she hasn't seen you in months and leave you alone. - I personally think she has an STD if she doesn't know who her baby daddy is, and ohh dnt forget to break up with her
fl0ffy 0
what??? I laughed so hard to haha lol
HappyPickles 11
... so, last month when she asked you to send some of your sperm to her in an envelope, did you??