Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML
Today, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend just got married because his "real" girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my pregnant girlfriend asked me if she should take a pregnancy test to make sure the baby is really hers. FML
Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML
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Top comments
sweet_candy_ 17
She probably thinks you will be stupid enough to fall for it.
DocBastard 40
Your **** has obviously been whoring around without your knowledge. Take some responsibility for it, stupid. /King Missile
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Comments (256)
iRCassxD 0
Well clearly she wasn't being stupid. She thought you'd be stupid enough to believe it. Obviously not...
prince122 0
why chuck norris?? I don't get what so awesome about him.
shinydragonmist 0
either she thinks you are a moron or you dated one >:-)
Gravitex 0
chuck norris can produce a massive atomic blast
hellyeahmirjam 2
hahahahahahah that IS very stupid indeed
hellyeahmirjam 2
hahahahahahah that IS very stupid indeed
kingtz 6
That lying *****. dump her!
resinnet 0
Stop communicating with her??
Capt_Oblivious 10
abstinence - 99.99% effective
Capt_Oblivious 10
one would think so but, according to the bible, there is one instance.......... not saying I buy it, just relaying the story, don't shoot the messenger. lol
RedPillSucks 33
Sometimes if they're in close proximity, bodily fluids can be swapped.
DaveOnDope 4
You're right RPS! BTW - You know what they call women that rely on pulling out or the Rhythm method? Mothers!
TheDrifter 24
That's also the basis of a number of my favorite insults RPS.
variable66 0
What is the PValue?
Leetswaglordmaybe2 9
^ "implied" virgin mary
wintermistress7 1
Dang, that hella sucks for you. I'm sorry that you're even with someone as stupid as that. I think now would be the best time to break with her. She obviously is NOT trustworthy, if she's going to pull stunts like that to you, and also she doesn't deserve someone like you. My overall point, don't associate, much less, talk to her ever again.