Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML
Today, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend just got married because his "real" girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my pregnant girlfriend asked me if she should take a pregnancy test to make sure the baby is really hers. FML
Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML
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Top comments
sweet_candy_ 17
She probably thinks you will be stupid enough to fall for it.
DocBastard 40
Your **** has obviously been whoring around without your knowledge. Take some responsibility for it, stupid. /King Missile
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Comments (256)
rowannn 0
god I love u boners
megs1642 5
Wow, you have magical spermies.
MissBunny25 0
hahahahahha
CTVrhythmguitari 8
haha wow what the ****, that's messed up.
dboy006778 0
retard jerk
nutsackmuscle 0
why not chuck Norris. he has sex with every woman once a month. the result is a week of bleeding.
cptmorgan15 2
There's always a chance she snuck into your house while you were sleeping, had her way with you without waking you up (which would require you to be an extremely heavy sleeper), and really is pregnant with your child. All I'm saying is don't count it out.
mrjude 3
Are you sure she's not six months pregnant and just saying she's a month pregnant because she just noticed it in the last month? Sometimes, pregnancy goes undetected for a long time.
bachooka 5
I have to agree. especially if it is her first... with my daughter I found out that I was 5months pregnant and then I had her three months later... But I seriously doubt that's the case here...
MyMuse7 0
long distance relationships = fail
Jujunut 4
Oh really now? I've been in a long distance relationship for over 4 years, and our relationship is not failing.
Iknoweverything 29
They only fail if you don't see each other for over six months at a time. I'm in one too, it sucks, but we had formed a healthy relationship long before I moved, and we see each other once a month. OP deserves it if he hasn't seen her for over six months. I think at that point, you might as well have an open relationship. P.S. OP, I think she thinks YOU'RE the stupid one. But obviously if you think she's stupid anyways, plus you never see each other, the relationship wasn't working anyways.
fthku 13
Who are you to say he deserves it for not seeing her for 6 months, deciding for other people when their relationship should just be given up on, nevermind give leave for cheating? His girlfriend is also capable of going to visit OP if he can't, not just the other way around. What makes you say OP is stupid? This situation is very complicated, and we know very little, so we can't really call anything. It seems likely she cheated on him, but we can't really know that for sure either. Never see each other? again, we have no real knowledge about OP's life, and no right to tell them how often they need to see each other for their relationship to work. Some people will wait months, some will wait years.
ilovepoppa 0
Correction: a dumb cheating bitch..
arguetam 0
if she insists on being stupid, take her to Maury and get a DNA test. I'll be watching! lol
sweetiffany 0
I don't think Maury would even take a case like that.
Igor_g5 0
41. I like your pic.
prettyspiffy816 6
Is Jerry still on? I think this could be a Jerry one..
Prankster7o7 5
Pretty sure they don't have Maury in China.
Prankster7o7 5
On the other hand, they probably own that show.