Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

Today, I finally found the jewelry my two-year-old son had lost when it got lodged in my foot. FML

Today, I had to hunt down and collect a stray dog's feces for my parasitology class. FML

Shine on

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

Sole music

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML