Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML
Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML
Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been stepping out for two years with her two best friend's husbands, our neighbor who lives with his mother, and a complete stranger she worked with for 4 days. She was also pregnant while all this was going on. Then she had a nervous breakdown, and I had to take her to hospital. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is indeed cheating on me. Not bad enough? She's sleeping with a guy who squats in a derelict storefront near our house. A hobo stole my wife. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML
Today, I found out my husband has been sleeping with one of the women in our marriage counselling group. FML
Today, I found out my wife has been sleeping with one of my employees. Now, I can divorce her no problem, but turns out I can’t fire him for personal reasons because he’s in the union. That means I have to work every day with a man who has been inside the woman I shared marriage vows with. FML
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Top comments
inhindsight 11
Quick get rid of her
greeneyebeauty9 28
Quick to the divorce papers!
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Comments (84)
inhindsight 11
Quick get rid of her
xxrogerthatxx 19
That's gonna hurt your ego for a while OP, FYL
MrConcise 35
Get rid of her? Well, I guess we do put dogs in shelters. Quick, Google the closest Humane Society!
PhoenixRiver 10
That escalated quickly! however so sorry OP. divorce it now before it lays eggs....
PhoenixRiver 10
That escalated quickly! however so sorry OP. divorce it now before it lays eggs....
MrConcise 35
Hilariously enough, my first thought was "kill shelter", but I thought that'd come off too harsh.
zZLightZz 13
That **** hungry bitch.
greeneyebeauty9 28
Quick to the divorce papers!
laden_swallow09 35
*hums theme to Batman*
Kissell 7
Why is a divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.
davincidasecond 24
Time for a quick divorce with the 'quickie queen'.
incoherentrmblr 22
More like Instant Divorce...
meli1195 31
I don't think you understood the joke..
Rawrshi 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
But is she from Mississippi?
CoGhostRider 31
Now I see why you almost missed your face in your selfie.
Rawrshi 25
Actually, my face is quite visible. It's my hair that is not. Not sure what that has to do with a reference to "Mississippi Queen" regardless. Also, a selfie is a lot better than men always posting photos of their machines, or are you a transformer?
trex454 21
mississippi queen is about a drag queen. the reference really wasnt a good one
martin8337 36
#4, what does where she comes from has to do with anything?
incoherentrmblr 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
...it has everything to do with it... Mountain - Mississippi Queen...
1two3four5six 23
it's a song reference
Rawrshi 25
90, I wonder how many people thumbed down thinking I was an idiot because they didn't get the reference and thought I was spouting nonsense. I know it was pretty dumb but still, I thought it was funny~ Aha.
Supersonic54 18
And that's all that matters 106
RodzillaX 30
Solid reference 4. Poo on everyone that missed out.
laden_swallow09 35
I got the reference, just wasn't funny or all that much relevant.
SnslessRage 11
Hopefully soon to be ex-wife...
powelale0000 19
Didn't see that coming.
conaidws 7
His wife did though.
EmmaMK 35
#91 The builders did
maximus_prime 24
Why would he get rid of her? She is obviously terrific in bed, evident by the queue at her bedroom door. *sarcasm...
EpicCrazyBitch 12
You are hilarious 134
mld4657 28
I see an amazing divorce court episode in the near future. the quickie queen. do yall have kids I see a paternity court in the future as well
cryssycakesx3 23
that paternity court judge is awful.
badluckalex 23
I didnt know there was only one for the entire planet
rocker_chick23 27
#23: Just because you know one paternity judge who is awful, doesn't mean all of them are awful
cryssycakesx3 23
oh. no, there's not one for the entire planet, and I don't think they are all awful. notice how 6 said "episode." I was talking about the TV shows Divorce Court and Paternity Court. I guess my comment looks really dumb if you're not familiar. the PC judge is a loud, obnoxious, totally irrelevant lady and she's absolutely ridiculous.
rocker_chick23 27
Never saw the show.
cnewton84 28
Get rid of her, quickly
maximus_prime 24
That's a bit harsh, maybe the workmen misunderstood when OP told them that his wife thinks she's the ****** boss.
it__happens 17
That stinks
zZLightZz 13
No shit Sherlock
euphoricness 28
"Unfaithful *****" seems to suit her better
Rawrshi 25
I doubt she was paid. Unfaithful, yes. However, ****** are paid. They have sex for money; which is why they are called Sex Workers. Not that having sex and getting paid to do something you love is wrong as long as you're safe and clean... but "*****" isn't really the proper wording here.
ninety 25
Way to take that literally.
AshBash2211 14
I think ***** can be used on an unfaithful bitch...
kingdomgirl94 29
No, I agree. Prostitution is one of the worlds oldest professions and should be respected as such. Unfaithful bitch is more accurate than *****. Being promiscuous and being a horrible person are two different things.
JBChristian 47
I disagree. Being promiscuous is being slutty, and a slutty person is not what I'd call a "Good person".
mackdeezy 22
If we're going to take things literally, you can't call her "bitch" either, as she is not a dog. Even if she moves around like one.
princesspeachxox 18
Being slutty is just a derogatory term to **** shame women who enjoy and participate in sex just as much as men, that doesn't make them a bad person at all. What makes them a bad person is cheating on their husband to get said sex when they're in a prior commitment
mackdeezy 22
I really abhor cheating.
njgohard 16
*abwhore* You're welcome.