Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML
Today, I learnt that my guinea pig can shoot poop across the room like a tiny brown torpedo. How did I find this out? It landed in my coffee. It wasn't until after I'd finished my coffee that I noticed it. FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML
Today, I had to follow a pony that had flatulent, severe diarrhoea for an hour in order to collect enough liquid for a sample. FML
Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML
Today, I woke up to a squeaking noise and the feeling of something furry on my cheek. I smiled, thinking it was my guinea pigs nosing me awake. Then I remembered that my guinea pigs were in their cage on the other side of the room, and opened my eyes to see the biggest rat ever staring right at me. FML
Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML
Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML
Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML
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Top comments
Mysanitywins 10
You can't see the OP's name? Derp
ImaWiseGuy 5
I guess that's how you rectify a situation...literally...
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Comments (306)
DarkHelmet 10
put that rodent out of it's misery
Crazy4Christ 0
they aren't classified as rodents, FU
Necromal 2
107- yes they are.
KennKenn 0
She wasn't comparing a beloved animal to a baby. She was pointing out that, yes, cleaning it will be a drag, but just like cleaning a babie's a**, you have to suck it up and do it cause it won't clean itself.
KennKenn 0
She wasn't comparing a beloved animal to a baby. She was pointing out that, yes, cleaning it will be a drag but just like washing a baby's ass, you have to suck it up cause it won't clean itself.
DarkHelmet 10
google it and see for yourself!!! FU2
cetlawizard 15
I say rodent myself.
techweed 12
throw him in the trash
DuckfaceSoccerpu 0
47- how 'bout I throw you in the trash when you get rly sick?
techweed 12
I'd like that
MetallicA7X86 0
You actually paid money and took your guinea pig to the vet?
tayza249 20
yea.. most people would do that. why have a pet if you're not willing to take care of it?
Offensive_fml 4
Either mercy-kill it, or suck it up.
Spike300 12
or make like a Mexican and eat the damn thing!
HomeAl0ne 20
I'd just like to stress that "suck it up" is a figure of speech.
KevJ25 7
Spelling...you're doing it wrong.
ajg09n 0
it's a damn rat. just feed it to a friend that has a snake. no point in cleaning it's ass for the rest of it's life.
Legendslayer222 26
Don't you mean feed it to the friend's snake? I'm sure their friend wouldn't like to eat it.
alex1432 9
unless he/she is a beaner
rebekahah 7
while 62 is correcting you, too, you used the wrong form of *its.
heavymetalman1 0
*gag*
OrgasmicBunnies 9
marriage is pretty much the same when you're both 80+.
saint556 4
def time to get rid of him..... do you flush them like you flush gold fish? lol
slipperykricket 0
stfu if he's your beloved guinea pig then you shouldn't feel sorry for yourself, you should feel sorry for your guinea pig that he has to go through that. I hope when you're old, you need help pooping but instead of helping you, your beloved family just bitches and puts your ass in a home.
phreakazoid 0
yes. there's no difference between a human and a rat.
tayza249 20
there's no difference between a rat and a guinea pig either, it seems.
Fsvb 32
@90 I wish I got classes like that. ethics are cool. Furthermore I hate all those comments saying 'just get rid of it'... What the hell? It's not a product, not a plastic little toy with fake hairs..
death008 0
no mater the situation a human life is over an animals life.