Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML
Today, I learnt that my guinea pig can shoot poop across the room like a tiny brown torpedo. How did I find this out? It landed in my coffee. It wasn't until after I'd finished my coffee that I noticed it. FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML
Today, I had to follow a pony that had flatulent, severe diarrhoea for an hour in order to collect enough liquid for a sample. FML
Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML
Today, I woke up to a squeaking noise and the feeling of something furry on my cheek. I smiled, thinking it was my guinea pigs nosing me awake. Then I remembered that my guinea pigs were in their cage on the other side of the room, and opened my eyes to see the biggest rat ever staring right at me. FML
Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML
Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML
Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Mysanitywins 10
You can't see the OP's name? Derp
ImaWiseGuy 5
I guess that's how you rectify a situation...literally...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (306)
LikeaPRESIDENT 0
Awwww poop :( see what I did there? but really that does suck op
jessyrodgers 0
all I saw was you trying to be funny and failing
LikeaPRESIDENT 0
I wasn't really trying to be funny, it was a little pun and I wanted to say it.
LikeaPRESIDENT 0
let's pretend this comment never happened....
ToyotaObsession 1
Why not get a new Guinea Pig?
musiclexii124 0
And abandon the current one?
Crazy4Christ 0
I'll take him/ her
pinkspaceboundro 0
I think- it takes a very special person and a strong love for your pet to do that. your pet will appreciate it.
tayza249 20
my guinea pig had impaction when he got old, and he had to be cleaned at least every couple of days. don't worry, it's not as bad as it sounds. you just have to be very gentle and to all you people saying how gross it is, have you never changed a baby? they need their asses cleaned several times a day. yes it's unpleasant but it's not the worst thing in the world
deerhunter86 0
are you seriously comparing a rodent to a human child???? how does it feel to be that stupid? must hurt, just reading that comment hurt my head.
iSurf_fml 8
126- Shit. Bitch please, GTFO. Everyone knows babies are ******* disgusting. I was, you were, we all were. If you want to attack me for picking on a "thing" (and yes I mean human children just to piss people like you off), please do. I'm all for it.
tayza249 20
126? um yea.. no
iSurf_fml 8
126's comment disappeared. I look like a dick now.
dookiedoo 0
it's like a reversed Richard Gere scenario.
NYkid2K8 5
It might be time for that turtle youve always wanted.
YOUNGMONEY4E 0
aaaaawwwhh poor guinea pig:( and poor you!!!
tara0927 3
It's just a guinea pig. Throw it out and get a new one.
Raesin 21
You're just a human. Throw it out and get a better one, won't be hard it seems.
kimberlytx 0
that sucks but he is lucky that you will do thatfor him. many heartless people would get rid of him...
musiclexii124 0
I'm sure your hamster feels the same way.
Crazy4Christ 0
not a hamster
musiclexii124 0
Same shit