Today, I found out that just because you're drunk, it doesn't make it okay to call your mother-in-law a fat slag. However, it does make it okay for your wife to knee you in the snow globes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother called me a slut and unladylike because I prefer beer instead of wine. Apparently, beer's only for "unladylike sluts". FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML
Today, after agreeing to hang out with my husband and his alcoholic mother after his father’s suicide, my mother-in-law found out that my sister-in-law and I playfully insult each other. She lost her mind and practically bit my head off, relapsed, and blamed my “disrespecting her daughter” on said relapse. FML
Today, I was called a "whore," a "demon," a "piece of shit," and a "disrespectful bitch." All of this happened because I wouldn't let my mother-in-law borrow my car. This is a woman with multiple speeding tickets. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
Today, my mother-in-law came home drunk and said to my husband, "I told you not to bring a dumb girl home." I'm a kindergarten teacher with my own private school. FML
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Top comments
Feverrotes 15
props to OP for coming up with an original way to reference your unit. I was getting sick of all these idiots saying hap sac
redbluegreen 41
At least she didn't grab and decide to violently shake them.
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Comments (119)
coolio1024 0
im not gonna say it... im not gonna say it... ok, first?
cowgod 0
hahaha. they found out a way to get ppl to shut about the first thing. anyway YDI for insulting her mom but that does not mean its okay for her to hit OP's cancerous balls. when u hit them there thats like smacking a million of his babies. (maybe she was trying to cure the tumor on ur balls?)
blankaex 0
What's with these women...? Always going straight for the reproductive organs...
Person1233 13
YDI for saying snow globes, I'm being serious. SAY BALLS/TESTICLES.
Intellectualist 0
*Testicles
nokillnobeepbeep 0
At least he didn't happy sacks.
Person1233 13
Were you correcting the fact I put testicles in caps..?
aero_fml 0
Wow, they're using snow globes now? This is getting pathetic...
Terrimina23 0
Seriously. What's so wrong about using the words balls or testicles?
expen_dable 0
get over it damn
Maxine17 8
Hey, it's nearly Christmas, just getting into the spirit by naming his balls after a holiday decoration.
Intellectualist 0
I was correcting the fact that you originally wrote 'testacles' Don't lie, I saw it.
Person1233 13
Don't lie, I never misspelled "testicles," e.o
hennessey 0
Why did you correct how he spelt testicles?
poisonfrog7 2
maybe she kicked the snowglobes he had lying around on a shelf? you are a moron for coming to false conclusions all the time
PumpkinTarte 0
She kneed 'him' in the snowglobes? or perhaps he has glass snowglobes surgically attached to him on some other part of the body!
mjaz88 0
saying snow globes is way more funny than saying balls or testicles. your sense of humor = zero
diet_otaku 0
"snow globes"? aren't we the optimist?
piepieburger 0
Snow globes or other interesting synonyms are just more funny.
fobchick 0
Second! And lmfao "snow globes"
boone_fml 0
it's ok to call your mother in law a fat slag, just not to your wife.
UncleMuscles 5
#5, alcohol has been around for a few thousand years, people aren't just going to stop making it.
imanethesmart 0
YDI for drinking period Who calls nuts/balls snow globes? First!!
zakkyzebra 11
first to fail
GarciaSwaqgg 3
Wait, what does YDI mean?
laughterislife 2
You deserved it
Mattlozano12 15
Yodeling Dog Inspectors.
rlet 1
" snow globes" seriously????
blland 0
nuts, balls, snowglobes, pairs, sacks, two giant lumps of soft tissue, what?
UncleMuscles 5
...nads, testes, juevos...
iseyixes 18
Dude is from Ireland, might be common there.
Feverrotes 15
props to OP for coming up with an original way to reference your unit. I was getting sick of all these idiots saying hap sac
LemonadePink 0
Wouldn't it be cool if balls were really snow globes? Just saying...at least they'd be cool to look at instead of repulsive.
xxCFHxx 0
Wait... How often do you look at dudes' sacks? I highly doubt accidentally seeing your friend's package once in gym doesn't immediately provoke that thought. P.S. If you posted high as a ************, then disregard this one, it's all good.
kaleid0scopeEyes 0
that's how my favorite porno starts out
growingupnextmon 3
#23 epic win haha
xxCFHxx 0
HAHAHA!!! Oh my god, 'snow globes'. That was actually pretty ******* funny, to be honest. Anyways, YDI for calling your mother-in-law a slag where you're wife can hear it.
Jared900DUmpling 30
*your
Terrimina23 0
Well, I guess you just don't have the "snow globes" to actually use the word testicles. Or balls. Either is okay.