Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ran to catch the subway, slipped, and my pants ripped across the back. I got on the train trying to cover the hole, only to realize the train was packed with people staring straight at my underwear though my fingers. To make it worse, my phone started playing loud music and I froze as I considered which situation to fix first. FML
Today, I sliced my finger on the register drawer. Not wanting to freak out my customer, I stuck my hand in my pocket and finished giving them change. Now I look like I period-bled through the front of my pants. Only 10 hours to go. FML
Today, I was shopping when I suddenly slipped on the wet floor and my basket and my groceries were flung everywhere. Moments later, one of the cleaners walked over holding a "wet floor" sign, saw me and laughed. FML
Today, while I was at work, I didn't have any panty liners so I used tissue. I was taking orders when I suddenly felt the tissue trailing down my leg. I tried not to move, but it inevitably fell through my pants onto the floor in front of my co-workers. I swiftly put it into my pocket. Luckily, it had nothing on it. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store. I bent to get some dog food off the bottom shelf and felt my pants tear. My jeans split right across the back seam, showing everyone I was wearing a pink thong under them. I had to ditch my cart and leave as I had no way to cover myself. FML
Today, I was walking out of work. I felt like everyone was staring at me but brushed it off. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I had toilet paper sticking out of my pants. FML
Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML
Today, I slipped while getting off a bus and caught myself dramatically on the handrail. As I spun around like a stripper, the bus driver stared as if I’d performed a stunt. I nodded like it was planned and walked away, limping slightly. FML
Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
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Top comments
tennisrapper1 14
The heads on the coins are watching you... So were the people in the restaurant. :P
borkchop1992 15
It was stealthy pedo bear getting into your pants.
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Comments (101)
tennisrapper1 14
The heads on the coins are watching you... So were the people in the restaurant. :P
k_ninjaa 9
sorry op.. but this is actually hilarious.
143dav 8
OP should be happy he didn't take his pants off for the fear of being bitten by the "coin animal". Then everyone would've known Victoria's secret...
I_lost_the_game 25
I'm curious as to why it was wet.
myFMLname 8
6- I've read so many FML's including much funnier ones that this is only slightly amusing
SkoomaKi 28
I honestly thought it was a snail. You could totally play it off that it was a snail.
boating_guy 33
But that'd be bad if they had snails in the restaurant. I feel like it just wouldn't appeal to customers...unless it was a French restaurant
itssosparkly 21
How about pretending it was a snake and turning it into a pick-up line?
idntwannaknow 3
Am i the only one wondering why the quarters felt wet?
RedPillSucks 33
I thumbed you up cause I was wondering the same thing. What the hell is under OPs clothing that the quarters didn't just fall to the ground, AND they felt like a wet animal?
alissa222 15
Cold metal has a tendency to feel wet.
jetsown08 21
Ah, the wild quarter strikes yet again. This small metallic beast is a shifty one, be careful for it next time OP. The effect of the touch of a primordial quarter can induce effects such as hallucination and insanity, strikingly remarkable to the described symptoms.
jetsown08 21
25- That could work. Or perhaps instead of turning it into a pickup line, they could turn it into a movie line about snakes. Hmm, maybe like "I am tired of these motherfuckin' snakes in this motherfuckin' restaurant?"... Yeah, that sounds pretty good. I think I should submit that to Samuel L. Jackson to put into one of his movies, what do you think guys?
qwillis98 20
FYL u thought somethin was on ur leg perfectly normal to freak out
Sawarski 13
Well I don't think "dancing dementedly" especially in the environment OP was in was acceptable.
tehcyberman 9
Regardless of the environment, freaking out isn't smart and you should figure out what it is. What if she had a dog, and the dog was licking her leg or something?
TriflingAllDay 6
a) It is a reastaurant, no dogs. b) If by some off the wall chance it was her dog, she would be used to and aware of that sort of thing.
ohcheriecherie 20
You'd be surprised where they let you take dogs if you just bring them without asking
borkchop1992 15
It was stealthy pedo bear getting into your pants.
brynom 8
Hahaha this shouldn't even be funny but it cracks me up.
starwind3438 9
Did someone call me?
kitkatmeOw 8
Ted? Bad Bear...
HelloGuys 4
57- maybe i woulve thumbed U up if you had a pedo bear pic or name
Nutty4Muffs 3
70 - He DOES have a pedo bear pic, look a little closer next time.
emilymaeve 8
Bussing?
hallix 21
Yeah. Clearing tables. No busses involved, in case you were wondering.
Pandacupcakelove 26
Hehe, I wondered what that was too, english is not my first language.
Migole 36
I guess something like this has happened to all of us ;) Just laugh it off and be happy it wasn't something worse...
BuffaloSabres134 8
You should patch that hole before you accidentally feel something like your keys, they can be mistaken for a lot of animals, like a crab
saIty 17
I'll bet a quarter you danced like Candace Flynn in Squirrels in my Pants.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Tell me whats making you jump like that...
SqueakyChipmunk 22
SIMP Squirrels in my Pants! Wait, I don't have pants. Carry on. (edit: stupid iPod >.
Pandacupcakelove 26
Awww :/ Well, I'd probably do the same!
LeftyFtw 0
Snail c;
kdog333 1
quarters c;
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Bacon c;