Today, I found out that just because you're drunk, it doesn't make it okay to call your mother-in-law a fat slag. However, it does make it okay for your wife to knee you in the snow globes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother called me a slut and unladylike because I prefer beer instead of wine. Apparently, beer's only for "unladylike sluts". FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML
Today, after agreeing to hang out with my husband and his alcoholic mother after his father’s suicide, my mother-in-law found out that my sister-in-law and I playfully insult each other. She lost her mind and practically bit my head off, relapsed, and blamed my “disrespecting her daughter” on said relapse. FML
Today, I was called a "whore," a "demon," a "piece of shit," and a "disrespectful bitch." All of this happened because I wouldn't let my mother-in-law borrow my car. This is a woman with multiple speeding tickets. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
Today, my mother-in-law came home drunk and said to my husband, "I told you not to bring a dumb girl home." I'm a kindergarten teacher with my own private school. FML
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Top comments
Feverrotes 15
props to OP for coming up with an original way to reference your unit. I was getting sick of all these idiots saying hap sac
redbluegreen 41
At least she didn't grab and decide to violently shake them.
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Comments (119)
buckfasthero 0
I'm from Ireland too and did something similar when I said my uncle's new wife was a **** wrapped in a ugly woman's body suit. And yes, I was also drunk. And got a punch in the face by my uncle who was in earshot. But it wouldn't be Ireland without some form of unneccessary (or necessary, depending on your point of view) drunken violence. FAIL (**** all Irish lives!)
TryToBeKind 0
Your wife sounds like a white-trash piece of shit who needs her man to knock her down a few notches.
infernofalcon 0
*Gasp* She kneed your snowglobes?! She should have known how much value some of the rare ones cost you! You'd better make that bitch pay damages.
jaustin03 0
I think I have a submission for FML. I just read all of your comments about testicles and snow globes. I have no life apparently.
twiddleFig 0
lmao in the snowglobes? can i please meet you, cause im def missing out
ILoveMyLifeSoMuc 0
lmao
CuMorrigu 14
I like this one just for the language used. nice colloquialisms.
mcm7 0
hahaha who says snow globes really?
brianjman14 23
ydi for saying snow globes
kruschev33 0
person 2 Is right