Today, I found out that just because you're drunk, it doesn't make it okay to call your mother-in-law a fat slag. However, it does make it okay for your wife to knee you in the snow globes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother called me a slut and unladylike because I prefer beer instead of wine. Apparently, beer's only for "unladylike sluts". FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML
Today, after agreeing to hang out with my husband and his alcoholic mother after his father’s suicide, my mother-in-law found out that my sister-in-law and I playfully insult each other. She lost her mind and practically bit my head off, relapsed, and blamed my “disrespecting her daughter” on said relapse. FML
Today, I was called a "whore," a "demon," a "piece of shit," and a "disrespectful bitch." All of this happened because I wouldn't let my mother-in-law borrow my car. This is a woman with multiple speeding tickets. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
Today, my mother-in-law came home drunk and said to my husband, "I told you not to bring a dumb girl home." I'm a kindergarten teacher with my own private school. FML
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Top comments
Feverrotes 15
props to OP for coming up with an original way to reference your unit. I was getting sick of all these idiots saying hap sac
redbluegreen 41
At least she didn't grab and decide to violently shake them.
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Comments (119)
Nizzit2 0
lolwut? I thought the Australian slang posted here occasionally was a bit wild, but I actually had a hard time deciphering this one :-p
coolio1024 0
Happy sacks, Christmas edition! Go Snow Globes!
BelaLugosisdead 0
So, you're saying that your testicles are in actuality glass domes with ceramic figures inside that when shaken glitter slowly falls within? Now Tell me, does your penis act as a wind-up for them to play deck the halls?
alex_vik 1
Snow globes? Why don't you just say balls or testicles instead? It's not like you have to be "child-friendly" on this site. Hell, it's called "**** My Life" after all.
redbluegreen 41
I think "snow globes" makes the FML that much funnier though then if it was something like nuts. Lighten up? It's still **** My Life.
blastvortex 4
Actually, it's not an excuse for the latter, but YDI anyway.
Emperor_Jim 0
I still don't get why everyone says YDI. Harsh words justify physical violence? Um... no. OP, your wife should be arrested for assault. Of course, it seems like a you have a drinking problem, so you probably shouldn't be married in the first place.
omghehehe 0
Snow globes!! I love snow globes (warm fuzzy feeling coming over me)! :D Love the analogy. Very original, I must say. Hats off to you! Umm, when did calling anyone a "fat slag" become acceptable? I missed that in the etiquette M-I-L manual. Damn, it's not there! :D
DameGreyWulf 1
YD some sort of reprimanding for getting drunk and thinking that made it okay to talk big... However, FYL because your wife had no right to do that. What a bitch. Why would you marry someone so bitchy about their parents? Does mommy dearest get a final say in everything you two decide?
COBRAMORPH 0
Good job there you dumb **** for getting so drunk that you lose control of what you do. YDI.
ValerieVictoria 0
dumbass. when is it ever okay to?