Today, I found out that instead of going on a date with a girl I've liked for months, I'm going to be forced to have lunch with my grandmother tomorrow. Instead of losing my virginity, I will get to be interrogated about why I'm single. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML
Today, I lost a bet with my grandma, and now she's coming with me on my next date. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. We hit it off, and he invited me back to his place. As soon as we got there, his mother came out of nowhere and started interrogating me about "my intentions." FML
Today, I finally had lunch alone with the girl I like. It wasn't bad, but we had a few awkward silences. Still, I got home feeling proud that I’d actually managed to get some one-on-one time with her. But a little while later, my sister pointed out that I’d had a piece of lettuce stuck in my teeth the entire time. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't spend the day with me as he had his grandmother's funeral. Lonely, I went shopping and I bumped into his mum having lunch with his 'dead' grandma. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to visit his grandparents. Everything went well, until his grandmother approached me and asked me if I wanted to try some of her old bras. I didn't want to be rude, so I went with her. Most awkward moment of my life. FML
Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML
Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentine's Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because she wants to "become" a lesbian. I also learned that she's coming to my house for dinner tonight. My sister is her date. FML
Today, I found out why my fiancé waited for me to meet his family. We had dinner at their place, the women were not permitted to talk while the men were in the room, also no eye contact with the men, and we had to eat separately. He says he wants me to learn to be a good and decent wife from them. FML
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Top comments
Ilikeurfmls 13
Why do you assume she would have sex with you?
doctorhook86 25
This FML smells like it was written by someone under age 20...
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Comments (218)
jnaust 8
Maybe OP wasn't assuming he'd get laid on the first date. There needs to be a first, for there to be a second. If not OP "you can't make a ho a house wife"
StreetReaper 9
Quit being a whiney little bitch and suck it up. There will be many more opportunities to get laid. Spend the time with your grandmother while you can. It is time spent that you will not regret later in life. Think with your heart and not your pelvis.
SwaggCapone 11
enjoy her while she's still around. I got one left and she's dying. so be happy
Driveshaft 5
From your fml...I see a pattern forming, which explains the virginity.
hcheetahxo 1
How do you know that she'd even have sex with you? That's ignorant you don't deserve to go on a date if you think like that
Dean3000 6
You should know better, OP. I would normally add a tirade to extend this theory, but I am far too tired. YDI.
alebunnie 7
It's the first date and you're expecting sex? Guys these days -_-
madisonrose626 5
Who says she was going to have sex with you?
Chingy892987 14
Where's DocBastard when you need him :P? Anyways, it's 50/50 in my book. FYL for having to cancel a date, YDI for expecting sex on the first date.
limitedition 25
You had high hopes for that lunch date!