Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for two months. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML
Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
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Top comments
delaneyluke 5
Too late to DUMP her now.
ekb777 13
If only childbirth was like taking a big dump..
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Comments (102)
finch01 18
who's your daddy who's your daddy who's your daddy... I think it looks more like you
oh_lordy_me 18
Deal breaker....
martinfml 8
Time for a walk.
lovesummers 8
Good luck living with her. Watch out she might have more habits
RedPillSucks 33
Tell her you want her to have an abortion then stick your dick in her ass.... What? Too much?
Epikouros 32
That yellow turd doesn't look healthy.
kittycat2007 18
well since she likes to pretend, maybe you should help her get used to the pain by having lots of anal sex. Ya know, for practice.
rebelliousshroom 12
Are you sure she's not actually in pain? Did she say she was pretending to give birth, or is that just your way of expressing how loud she was? Maybe you should advice her to go to the doctor.
onorexveritas 24
maybe it hurts
HeatherAS77 10
I'd tell her..."Girl..that shit stops NOW!!!" That sucks dude.