Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for two months. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML
Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
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Top comments
delaneyluke 5
Too late to DUMP her now.
ekb777 13
If only childbirth was like taking a big dump..
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Comments (102)
mimikinsz01 6
Maybe that's a sign she wants to have a kid lbs
TeenieRee_2032 27
I say your gf is a complete moron. Get out now. If she is that dramatic about taking a dump imagine how she's going to react to "real" issues.
AshaaFerreira 22
I think your reading into the fml a little too much. Maybe in her mind its a joke and it's how she passes her "poopie" Time
Wafflestomper 22
Did you know that polar bears yell when they poop? It's true.
KingCeltic77 18
Dude. Run.
buddy51 23
OP- What does she do when she urinates? I'm betting she sings the Looney Toons theme at high volume.... Run now, OP, don't look back when the screaming starts, you don't want to see the episiotomy or the final push and the birth!!
linjizzy 6
She's a keeper!!!! You're an idiot if you let this one go. Have a sense of humor :)
auroravi 6
haha your username made me laugh out loud
D3ATHZ3RO 15
Run, just run, don't look back, run!
limitedition 25
Oh the fun stuff we find out about the ones we love once we move in. Yet another example of how "try before you buy" is a good idea.
AshaaFerreira 22
That's a good one my parents always told me that men are like vehicles test drive before buying.
DaggersEdge 6
all she left behind after that was terror, run for it OP