Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for two months. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML
Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
delaneyluke 5
Too late to DUMP her now.
ekb777 13
If only childbirth was like taking a big dump..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (102)
btx2 9
Sometimes it hurts when u are givin birth to a monster.
roshae_16 11
She doesnt REALLY scream uncontrollably. She does it on purpose so it COULD be controlled if she wanted to
emmyrr 3
Llloooollll
dohdohdoh 13
Feed her more fibre. Seriously. She may have a problem ******** by eating bad food
Keilser 13
Deal breaker
karen1991 15
Tell her to chew her food!
becwarren88 3
*laughing uncontrollably*
cmb8280 24
No one in her family thought to tell her this was strange? Cause I find this strange...
Meme1988 18
Record her, and make it her ringtone, then call her right away when she is out of the bathroom
Kiwimaid 9
Seriously, take the poor girl to the doctor. This might be solved using very simple means....