religionbites621
United States
Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Jo
United States
Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some loser's car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML
Anonymous
United States
Bashed
Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML
Atheist
Portland, United States
Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML
ThreeMoreYears
Jesus, take the wheel
Today, during my religion class, my instructor decided to use the state of the class's cars as a metaphor for our relationship with God. When I told him my car had been totalled in an accident last week, he yelled at me for being an "agent of Satan." One class down, 59 to go. FML
Username
France
Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML
whatthewoah
United States
Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard everyone talking about how a book cart had gotten loose and rolled down the parking lot into a car, smashing the front. It was my car. FML
charliebravo77
United States
Slippery
Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss's car. FML
really?!
Troll level 3000
Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML
spyrogers1677
Ottawa, Canada
Grave error
Today, at my job as a funeral director, I fell ass over heels into the grave in front of a hundred mourners and an unamused Catholic priest. FML
munchkin
France
Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML
Top comments
MattRoseen 12
The power of Christ compells you!
Mahomie123 0
Jesus is falling from the heavens.. lol
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Comments (139)
Mahomie123 0
Jesus is falling from the heavens.. lol
m0tl3ycru3 0
That's karma
mirag 0
And apparently he's on the heavy side
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
Jesus crist that sucks OP
ThatGenericGuy 6
It's a sign, that you should drive a hybrid.
kurlyfries222 0
It's ok your car will be fixed/ raised from the dead in 3 days!
VoodooGypsy 2
What if he was driving a hybrid?
ImaginaryFoe 1
No, #16, it really isn't, not even by the watered-down new age definition of karma.
bizarre_ftw 22
47 - this IS America (or it is for me. Go narcissism!!)
cabo07 6
LOLOOLOLOOLOOOOL! nuff said.
Jovecove 13
Probably crushed you
DrDilllonReese 12
It's a sign that you should start going to church again. You must repent for your sins.
LiveLaughFML 10
repent! repent! Jesus is coming in 2012.
Damn_Hippster 11
It's the start of the rapture!!
taera 8
God pushers are taking things a bit too literally..
JEnglish89 1
Why I'm atheist...
tellithowitis 13
i hate "doomsday" in 2012. Absolutely the worst theory ever...
saIty 17
1- laugh out loud out out laugh out loud out out laugh out out out out loud?
ColdplaySucks 18
The 2012 Doomsday movie was much worse than a the theory. Worst fucken acting.
spiderman2211 0
44- you fail
D37H100 5
Church's: "2012 is the end of the world. Quick give us money so god can protect you!"
saIty 17
I was attempting to translate #1's post of LOLOOLOLOOLOOOL. 49- Your dad's condom was a fail.
DarylAndrew 2
He can come whenever he wants, 2012 is just a movie
JonnyBone21 3
Your ignorant you jackass
The_Troller 14
62- you can't call someone ignorant and misspell you're in the same sentence
WTSchool 0
#62 - What about my ignorant?
Zomg_Okay 27
No, 57. It's a theory of the world ending based on the fact that the ancient Mayans calendar ends on that day. Or something like that anyway. I don't pay enough attention to mad men's rambling to be certain on the finer points of our numerous doomsday theories.
rabbittboi 18
18 - Tell him to pick up some condoms before then... lube won't hurt either.
ImFrackinBored 13
2012 doomsday believers: Ever stop to think that carving a calendar into stone may get old after hundreds of years? They probably just got bored of making it ^_^
ImaginaryFoe 1
You're an atheist because your car was attacked by a Jesus statue?
midnightxloner 1
53- **** you. The people that do that are not Christian they are fakes. Most Christians would tell you that you can't tell when jesus is coming back
RedPillSucks 33
Just a theory. There are several reasons why the Mayan calendar may have ended. 1. December 2012 coincides with the end of the long count calender (e.g. they did get bored) 2. December 2012 coincides with a galactic alignment (e.g. death from cosmic rays from some pulsar) 3. December 2012 coincides with a super large solar flare (e.g. death from solar thowup) None of this may matter at all. This is just the new 2K bug scare updated for a new century.
dcg1375 7
December 2012 does coincide with the galactic alignment and so supposedly a new era. So I believe this is why the Mayan calendar ended there. I do not think there will be any death from cosmic rays however. The world will continue as usual. Incidentally for all those claiming there will be Armageddon in 2012. The original definition to that was "an unveiling". As to what? No one knows.
WeezyBites 6
Talk about thread jacking..
bizarre_ftw 22
66 - apparently you can
bumblebee41 0
I couldn't agree more we went to see the movie and we left half way through it.
bizarre_ftw 22
102 - chocolate dipped raspberry peeps!!!!!!
rattusrattus 19
The world will end in 5 billion years time, when the sun will expand into a red giant and burn our planet to embers. However, we may make it uninhabitable before then.
gAt_d 26
To all 2012 doomsday believers. Hi, I'm from 2013 and I'm here to tell you the world didn't end. Sorry.
yankfan89 27
Did his healing warmth flow through you?
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
No but it probably did through his car.
RedPillSucks 33
I don't think that was the healing warmth. I think that was from him pissing himself.
sammieg17 5
What a hugger
beagle351 0
Mr Gorbachev tear down this wall! Reagan smash! Reagan smash!
MattRoseen 12
The power of Christ compells you!
DryHumor 4
Fried chicken and Jesus Christ!!
DryHumor 4
But I've clearly hit puberty. I'm very hairy, like a bear. That makes me better.
GameOver008 1
Perhaps u have commited a sin
CharlotteLove 2
You're kind of attractive, #4
murdersquirrel 15
Tom Selleck is kind of attractive, you meant to say...
DrDilllonReese 12
4 having abs is as much of a joke as saying James Earl Jones's balls haven't dropped.
HoboSmeller 6
your car has been blessed by Jesus, praise the lord!
thisisafunnyname 12
its all good, op's car is gonna be resurrected in a few days.
raindr0p23 0
lol that sucks...but least your car "caught" him rite :x savior? hahaha?
mea_iloveskiing 26
Jesus is coming. Look busy
bizarre_ftw 22
Damn!! Where are those beady things?!!! People! I need wine and a little boy that's good at keeping quite!! Holy Hell!!! Where'd I put my book of myths?!!! Spread out!! The title starts with a B and the text is extremely sexist, racist, and homophobic!!!
daka_fml 5
Angry Birds RIO?
xmudvaynex 13
Hint hint