Today, I found a $100 bill on the ground and was thinking, "I'm so lucky!!" I opened my wallet to find that $300 was missing. I looked back and saw some guy picking up $300. FML

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars. FML

Today, I found $20 on the ground. I'm so broke, this is the first time in 3 months that I've had any disposable income. FML

Technically, that's stealing

Today, I told my mom about the $50 I'd hidden in case of an emergency, and how I couldn't find it. She said she'd borrowed it last week. FML

Today, I told my mom I had 73 cents in my checking account. She gave me a penny and told me I had 74 cents and it was even now. Thanks mom. FML

Today, I found out that my mom bet my dad $100 that she could pay my boyfriend ten bucks to break up with me. She is now $90 richer. FML

Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left. FML

Today, I found out my mom took around $2,500 from my savings account to pay off my sister's college tuition. She recently flunked out of her studies and won't be returning to college anyway. FML

Breaking news

Today, I was helping my mom look for some money she'd misplaced. At my wit's end, I flipped through her diary, in case she'd hidden it between the pages as she has before. Didn't find the money, but I did find out she might well be cheating on my dad. FML

Embezzlement

Today, I found the birthday card my grandma had mailed. Apparently, it contained a gift of $100. Too bad it was in my mom's trash can, opened, with no money. She told my grandma it must have gotten lost in the mail. FML