Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high-pitched voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML
Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML
Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, my daughter, who can pick up spiders and even snakes without flinching, screamed at the top of her lungs because she saw a mouse. Um, what? FML
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
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Top comments
mike3775 39
Be glad you have a caring girlfriend
a_girl_i_know 0
I am embarrassed for your gf
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Comments (98)
mike3775 39
Be glad you have a caring girlfriend
MichaelGood 0
no kidding. I'm the same with spiders haha
Temi25 6
centipedes are poisonous, and they can kill you
sammy92 0
centipedes and spiders r so cool! how can u be afraid of them? lol XD
ruby84 1
you're so hot!
sammy92 0
me or 35? lol
MichaelGood 0
obviously me ;) hahaha
krazygirl100 9
centapeids are posinies
H3adFonHyStRiA 0
I'm sensing your a bit of a bitch
felipe87 2
wanna feel how hard I can hit?
ConfusionsLoveMe 0
Centipedes are ******* scary. One day I was taking a tinkle on the toilet. And guess what I see? Oh, a centipede! Without putting on my undergarments and pants, I scurried out of the bathroom, hyperventilating. I feel your pain OP!
kittykat1497 7
I'll give u 45%
PincheLeti 0
#89 You sure that wasnt just your penis you saw :p haha
habeybaby25 11
#100 that is a fuggen epic win to you!! xD
xXHIxxxHATERXx 2
what a man-gina!!
ConfusionsLoveMe 0
Haha , nope. I'm a girl!
Dr_Jalepenos 0
no #3 that's just u
a_girl_i_know 0
I am embarrassed for your gf
kingtz 6
Yes. He should just give her his man card.
KiddNYC1O 22
Does he even have that card?
d3no1993 0
she has nice eyes just sayin
number0 8
nice scrubs reference
ReynshineCutting 10
Am I the only one wondering if it was a centipede or a millipede? Gosh look what college has done to me!
justmyluck1212 0
lol yes! Subphylum Myriapoda
dannyboydx 0
considering the OP is in the US, I would guess it is a scutigeramorpha centipede. millipedes don't venture into houses, and scutigeramorpha thrive in basements.
Yaqui_fml 9
lmao. OP sounds like my husband with spiders xD
lovexbox 8
My boyfriend is the same way!
free2speak 14
that's exactly how I react when I see a cockroach. and my boyfriend can't understand why I am deathly afraid of them. He hates waking up in the night to my loud screams from where I "felt" a cockroach crawling on me.
Grimmerie 31
i feel your pain. i'm afraid of clowns.
docscientist 10
I'm certain you can't understand why you're afraid of them.
john7h567hgrd 0
Actually the physiology behind it is that some people naturally don't trust people, and clowns seem tooooo nice. So its usually the sceptical people that find clowns scary.
Animeninja117 2
#26 freaking AWESOME turtle XD
Animeninja117 2
uh I mean #28 my bad xD
besosforme 26
51, I'm guessing the word you were looking for was psychology (science of mind and behaviors), rather than physiology (the science of the mechanical, physical, bioelectrical functions of living systems). We got the gist though =]
laurenarnold 6
I feel ya. I'm deathly afraid of them too. I always have a can of raid with me at ALL times :P
BWill9014 4
Bugs are serious business
C94Slim 7
I woulda said I was having a screaming contest with it. xD
MaiDeath 0
Nuff said
free2speak 14
105 win
sincerely331 0
Looks like someone needs to MAN up! How is yur own girlfriend less afraid of an insect than yu are. That's so shameful!
noncomposmentis 6
A centipede is not an insect.
ThatGuyYouDontKn 0
what is it?
Zodaicz 4
Meh you're not the only one :P
whoa_is_failz 6
your girlfriend has more balls than you do