Today, my daughter, who can pick up spiders and even snakes without flinching, screamed at the top of her lungs because she saw a mouse. Um, what? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML
Today, my cat started screaming nonstop outside my bedroom. She's never done this since she was last in heat (she's 7 1/2 years old), so I was worried. I opened the door to find that she had "killed' a mouse (a fake one, formerly attached to her cat tree) and was very proud of herself. That's cute, but… really? FML
Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML
Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML
Today, I had mice in the house and had to kill them with mousetraps. I pulled a trap out with a dead mouse and my four year-old son saw. Mice are his favorite animals, and now he won’t speak to me. FML
Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high-pitched voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Duh, it has the wrong number of legs. Eight legs and zero are perfect numbers and four is incorrect, and therefore, scary! How do you idiots without so-called "OCD" make sense of the world?
Ubehage 32
Witty and spot-on at the same time. Nice +1
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
Duh, it has the wrong number of legs. Eight legs and zero are perfect numbers and four is incorrect, and therefore, scary! How do you idiots without so-called "OCD" make sense of the world?
Ubehage 32
Witty and spot-on at the same time. Nice +1
Iifa 7
I'm not afraid of anything on solid land, but show me fish, sea creatures anything that has no legs and I am out. Irrational maybe, but why do you have to eat them, or keep at home as pets.
RichardPencil 32
Yeah! And what about the irrational non-fear of mosquitoes? People hate mosquitoes, but I've never heard of anyone who fears them. We should! Those sons-of-bitches can **** you up more than every other species on Earth combined. Malaria, Zika, West Nile, etc.
Charlie Given 28
LOL My daughters are just the opposite no problem picking up little furry creatures but both scream when they see snakes or spiders or bugs in general 🤦♂️
cacheson 42
I feel like that is the more common circumstance.
TomeDr 25
Yep, that’s how phobias work. While at work, I’m the resident spider catcher. But the time I saw a mouse, I screamed so loud the entire department heard.
CoyoteOldOne 17
To be fair, spiders don't carry plague fleas. Seems reasonable.