Today, I finally met the cute guy I've been seeing around town. Bad news is, I was drunk off my ass, and when he told me his name, I burst out laughing because it's the same as my puppy's. He did not take it well. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML
Today, I was at McDonald's. I bumped into a guy, and as I was helping him pick up his food, I realized he was cute. I began smiling and I was about to introduce myself, when he began laughing and said, "It's you! I've heard about you!" He left laughing. I still don't know who he is, or what made him laugh. FML
Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML
Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend who I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I find out that last time he saw me, I was blind drunk and vomiting after propositioning him all evening. FML
Today, I saw a guy at a bar that looked cute. I didn't dare talk to him, though. When I was on my way home, drunkenly singing the entire way, I finally noticed he was walking along behind me. Probably for about 15 minutes. FML
Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I found out that the last time he saw me I was blind drunk and vomiting after having propositioned him all evening. FML
Today, a guy I've been seeing called me really drunk again to talk about his and his cat's angst. He put me on speaker so I could have a meowing-conversation with his cat to soothe her. FML
Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML
Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my dog, hoping they’d get along. I told my boyfriend, “Don’t worry, he never jumps on anyone.” Immediately, my dog jumped, not onto my boyfriend but right into my lap, knocking my glass of red wine all over my trousers. My boyfriend patted the dog and said, “At least someone’s happy to see you.” FML
Today, I drunk texted a guy I like. We'd met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. FML
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Top comments
happyhak 5
QUEST START Objective: To find the guy of your dreams and greet him WITHOUT being intoxicated Reward: The best one night stand you have ever had Things needed for this Quest: Common Sense
DallasMavs 3
You had your chance and you blew it. What was his name anyways?
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Comments (119)
boardforlife 0
Bahahahaha I woulda been like ummm gross gtfo lol
perdix 31
Once a co-worker told me his baby's name and I told him that was the same as my dog's. I got fired that afternoon. People don't take that info so well. Or maybe it's because I told my co-worker that my dog was the cuter one with that name. (It was true . . . Ugly ******* baby.)
MsCane 6
That is too funny. I can't believe you got fired for that though.
perdix 31
Don't believe it. I actually quit that job and got fired from the next because I didn't want to go along with my South American unrepentant Nazi child molester boss. But that's another story.
YakuzaxGeneralz 9
Jeez... I. I don't even know how to respond to that.
goldfishgod 20
I have such a big ******* crush on Perdix.
DrDilllonReese 12
83- you just don't respond to that. Sit in silence.
Souners 3
Maybe it's you're puppy who has the same name as him.
bobbycorwen 5
It is you are puppy.
jroxursox1 10
You're welcome sergeant sarcasm.
Carrotkidd15 5
His name was flapjack? Or wishbone?
DooleyFTW 17
Who would call a dog wishbone?
bitchslapped22 14
Who the hell would call a dog Flapjack?
deviable 9
I remember there was a show about a detective dog named Wishbone.
evilplatypus 39
He wasn't a detective. He retold classic stories.
juwood 7
24 - Are you thinking about that crime dog, McGriff or McGruff or whatever?
KiddNYC1O 22
McGruff!
lmaoatall 6
You must have met the real Barky Von Schnouzer.
coltsrock37 15
Kippy?
lmaoatall 6
Twatsie?!
psearchery 0
dude this kid is such a fag
lmaoatall 6
Wait!!! I got it! Op met boners!!
ikickgingers 15
"Did not take it well" and "hit it and quit it" are synonymous?
ikickgingers 15
I want to meet my dogs namesake. :(
perdix 31
I met it! He was very unpopular among the Irish Setters.
sarah2144 14
I want to meet my dog's namesake too! My dog's namesake is Peyton Manning. That would be pretty cool.
perdix 31
I may have misread. I read "dog namesake" instead of "dog's namesake" (apostrophe mine). At the dog park, someone had a terrier called "I Kick Gingers" and it nipped at the Viszlas and peed on the Irish Setters.
MsCane 6
You cannot be held responsible for your actions if you were that drunk.
evilplatypus 39
Tell that to drunk drivers. Contracts (verbal and written) are null and void if signed/agreed to while intoxicated. First impressions, alas (or thankfully), are not.
Zomg_Okay 27
Yes, you can you dope. It was your choice to drink more than you can handle, the consequences are all yours.
MsCane 6
In a stupid ass situation like this, you don't have to be, you dope.
DFlit1 0
Anyone who gets piss drunk deserves just about anything bad that happens to them that not, this is all OP's fault
MsCane 6
That sounds utterly ******* ridiculous. Nobody was talking about killing someone. What is your problem? Being drunk and laughing about someone 's name has nothing to do with drunk driving. Lighten the **** up!
Ins0mau 20
God! Not everyone that gets drunk is a drunk driver! FFS!
MsCane 6
That's exactly the point I was trying to make.
saddgurl 0
Well now u can go talk to him about how sorry you are:)