Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML
Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML
Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML
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Top comments
askullnamedbilly 33
You gotta love the enthusiasm of guys when it comes to sex though. "I know my penis feels a lot like a wet noodle right now and you think I'm not even aroused, but don't despair yet! I know I can get that thing to work, dammit!"
kangx1 28
Maybe it was his first time and he was overly nervous? Don't be too hard on him OP as for the sticking his limp dick inside you lmao FYL
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Comments (103)
AudiLover21 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If you're the type of girl who goes right from being clothed to wanting him to be inside you, you deserve it. Foreplay or limp dick. Your choice.
Obito_Uchiha651 17
Most idiotic thing I've ever heard
SookyLala 13
rofl what? drop the clothes, that's my foreplay
aspecialspecial 21
Foreplay may be important but that doesn't mean limp dick >.>
HonestPie 10
You have differing sexual tastes, so I will respond by down-voting you and calling you an idiot.
tomvertigo 17
F both of your lives. He must want a piece to jam it in limp so... ya know... yaaaay?
Subcontinent 14
Kiss him, run your hands up his shit and over his chest, scratch down his back, slip a hand in his pants and give his ass a squeeze, push him back on the bed and bite his neck, kiss down his body and cup a hand under his dick. Maybe put your lips around any suggestive bulge you might find, touch him under his clothes, make noise if he does similar stuff to you so he knows you're into it and doesn't have to be nervous. Whisper in his ear how much you want to take him in your mouth/him to **** you/him to play with your **** etc. etc. And these are all things you can do before any clothes even come off! He obviously wants you and likes you if he's still trying even when he can't get hard, he didn't want to hurt your feelings so don't hurt his. Its not just up to the guy to get everything in the right mood, if you want it, show him you do!
Dune1988 18
Yeah, run your hands up his shit... That'll do the trick LMFAO.
askullnamedbilly 33
Jesus ****, I never expected to read a **** novel in an FML comment!
crudeandrudeguy 29
Dear Penthouse Forum....
Aky0n 10
That will probably work...I get turned on just reading it lmao
becca1998 22
Can I just say what the actual **** lol
SookyLala 13
#14 damn, go hard
Subcontinent 14
Yeah haha *shirt ran out of time on the editing, it was rather an unfortunate mistake though
beeferjay 34
the ole squash with a floppy trick el oh el
holymackeral 12
Sometimes you just gotta fluff it up!
anyagrande 31
This is what viagra is for
captainsmegma 12
Try suck starting it. A good sucking gets me hard as a diamond.
22JB 11
Nerves will get ya at the wrong time. He was just proving how much he wanted it too. Poor guy and you. Just have to try again.
Love_L0ST 13
**** I'm probably this guy... Honestly was the worst sex I ever had ...
SpartyOnWayne 18
You should have tried giving him a hand with that.