Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML
Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML
Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML
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Top comments
askullnamedbilly 33
You gotta love the enthusiasm of guys when it comes to sex though. "I know my penis feels a lot like a wet noodle right now and you think I'm not even aroused, but don't despair yet! I know I can get that thing to work, dammit!"
kangx1 28
Maybe it was his first time and he was overly nervous? Don't be too hard on him OP as for the sticking his limp dick inside you lmao FYL
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Comments (103)
igg125 30
F his life.
Sakshi_ 7
Maybe you didn't turn him on.
Leauge 13
Op don't be to hard on him, it must've been his first time. I know when I had my first time I wasn't a sex God.
sydbae 5
Why would you even let him try to put his limp dick in you? ?
BlueBaronBitch 22
He probably didn't want to make her feel bad I'm guessing
johnnyexplosion 3
sounds like he was coked out lol
cathrope 10
I remember my first ********, was hard as a rock then when my gf went to suck on it I went limp faster then overcooked noodles.
QueenBii 14
More like **** his life! Maybe he just got nervous. Don't feel too bad, OP!
914smv 18
Puerto Rico!!!!! LOL Im from there!! Aw Im sorry OP, maybe lots of foreplay next time or try lingerie? ? lots of luck!!
Uraks 3
maybe he's gay and doesn't know how to tell you and the only way is to stick his limp in your vag.
pandemonium307 10
whiskey dick is no joke. maybe try sober next time.