Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML
Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML
Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML
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Top comments
askullnamedbilly 33
You gotta love the enthusiasm of guys when it comes to sex though. "I know my penis feels a lot like a wet noodle right now and you think I'm not even aroused, but don't despair yet! I know I can get that thing to work, dammit!"
kangx1 28
Maybe it was his first time and he was overly nervous? Don't be too hard on him OP as for the sticking his limp dick inside you lmao FYL
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Comments (103)
FailStaff 15
It's like an early 1900's car, you gotta give it a few cranks to get it started
whatunicorn 17
I'm not sure who I feel sorry for the most. On one hand that's super awkward to just lay there as he tires to put it in; but on the other he must have been mortified that it wasn't hard and most likely didn't want to upset you so he tried to stick it in. So sad, sorry OP hopefully you guys are still friends at least.
Addiction333 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If i can't get it up then I just send you home.
ksks1234 33
You sound like a true gentleman. *sarcasm*
aspecialspecial 21
Atleast watch a movie with her first >_> give her some popcorn and soda so it wasn't a complete waste
tigerthepredator 16
I would say FYL but you're not getting F'ed.
nattiemarie 14
Been there.
sukotsu 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Jesus, even if I AM limp, the minute I'm near my fiancées crotch its good to go. Sorry op guess hes just not that in to you
nukey24 7
Stimulation is key, next time try some 4play that makes you both feel good. :)
nickie_94 18
Well he tried. He was probably just nervous. Give him another chance
The_Unlucky1 19
"A" for effort.
NYGiants1925 22
He was prob nervous. Cut him some slack.