Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML
Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
It was probably because your **** was too big and mighty for her. She was afraid you might hurt her, so she wanted to go home and practice some Kegels to be ready for you in the future. Yeah, go with that.
melchibr_fml 0
sounds like your evening was short
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Comments (290)
Levvy 22
Sounds like there is a good chance someone doesn't understand how erections work. If that's the case, you dodged a bullet. You might have ended up hospitalized by a tragic misunderstanding of what "********" means.
NPN_Scorpio 16
Like a freak show act: "The human bagpipe". He probably would have sounded something like a wailing bagpipe, too. euoiiii...!
towriteloveonme 0
what a bitch haha
xxskittlezxx1 0
wow that never happens to me
xxbranchxx 3
Take some "enhancement pills" if u know what I mean ;)
Calyx_fml 22
She needs a huge **** because her ****** is so loose. Your forearm is probably big enough.
picturescrazy 24
Ouch, that has got to hurt /: Well, **** her if that's all she cares about (:
masterpoopie420 0
U should have sead no and shives ur junk in her mouth
Summera 2
What a bitch. You should've shown her the door and told her to walk home. FYL
storm1217 5
Either you too big, too small, or a women.
radiocaf 29
I hate girls like that.