Today, I enjoyed a romantic evening at home with my husband while a babysitter took care of my 5-year-old daughter. After she came home, she told me the sitter let her use her "weird swing." I wasn't too worried, until she said it was indoors, and I realized she was describing a sex swing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got yelled at and called a pedo by a mother after I sat down in a swing next to her daughter. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I'm a 20 year old who really does enjoy swinging in my spare time. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML
Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. Five minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML
Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML
Today, I was doing my nightly exercises in the living room after my kids went to bed. My youngest got up and saw me doing some hip mobility moves that I’ll admit look a little weird. He then told his teacher that mommy was humping a pillow on the floor. FML
Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I had to babysit a 9 year-old girl. I hadn't slept for almost 40 hours and fell half-asleep while sitting on her couch for two minutes. She asked me something, but I thought it was a dream and answered with, "Your mom's a hoe." When I woke up, I realized I'd said it out loud instead of in my head. FML
Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML
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Top comments
rgri 11
I guess she can't use you as a reference.
TwistedCherub1 15
What people are into is their business and shouldn't disqualify them from any job UNTIL they involve your kid. Fire her and tell everyone you know.
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Comments (55)
infernno 23
At least she's getting an early start!
QueenQuay77 10
you obviously don't have kids to say something like this.
edanielleh 21
it really could be a yoga swing, i would ask the sitter though
Sweetpea22 14
I hope there is a follow-up. I want to know how OP knew it was a sex swing and not a yoga swing.
worldclassrager 41
I think she is a little young to even know that exists..and now unfortunately she does...
Kukua 5
No she doesn't. She thought it was just a swing. She has absolutely no idea what's its for. Making her get off it would have made her more curious about it, and THEN she would have known such a thing existed as a swing for adults only. But now she just thinks its a weird looking swing.
domolovesyoshi 33
I had to look that up, it could have been.
franklydizzy 5
how does being indoors prove it's a sex swing. and even if it was you know its sturdy and there is no way your kid could have fallen off and hurt herself. :D
ChakatBlackstar 29
First of all, are we sure it was a sex swing? Secondly, while inappropriate, it could have been perfectly innocent. And most people have the sense to clean all their toys after use so it's doubtful she came into contact with anything bad.
riddenhopes 13
Did you ever stop to think that maybe it's just an indoor swing? Or did your perverted mind automatically just jump to those conclusions?
Harroo44 9
What is a sex swing
Sweetpea22 14
You will learn when you're much older
tranced_ 45
I'd like to contact her.. and baby sit myself