Today, my husband is so antisocial that when our cul-de-sac held a street party, he threw a half empty Pepsi out of our bedroom window to make us stop playing music. It hit our local vicar. When I demanded he apologise, he just shouted, "Cobblers to the lot of you", and shut the window. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I needed emergency work on my house, so I’ve been taking wine, beer, and chocolates to my neighbours as an apology for the noise and dust. Later, one of the husbands came round and punched me for showing him up, because he hasn’t given his wife chocolates in years, so she’s mad at him and he blames me. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
Today, my husband threw an epic tantrum about how “men are allowed to have female friends”, smashed stuff in the living room, for him to storm out and slam the door, making the house tremble. All I did was tell him that his friendship with his secretary made me uncomfortable. FML
Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML
Today, my husband is sulking because I wouldn't let him do what he's always wanted to do: throw our cat out the second floor window to see if she would land safely and on all fours. FML
Today, I had to kick my husband's friend out of our house after a week. He left lights on, played video games all day, ate all of our food and laughed when his son hit my dog. He was only invited over for one dinner. FML
Today, I sat my husband down for a talk for him to stop going to his female coworker’s house until 1-2am. He insists they’re doing work projects. He became so offended that I thought otherwise that he thrashed the entire living room, stomped out of the house, and slammed the door, completely dislodging it. FML
Today, my husband's idea of social isolation is to lock himself in his caravan with his Xbox, 200 cans of beer and a dozen takeaway menus. I’ve not seen him in 6 days, and when I tried to force entry to tell him to snap out of it, he sprayed disinfectant at me until I couldn’t breathe. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to whimsically serenade me by throwing rocks at my apartment window and singing. He got the wrong window. Another guy answered, and now he thinks I'm cheating on him. FML
Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to try to serenade me by throwing rocks at my window and singing a song about how much he loves me. This would have been extremely sweet if he would have gotten my window instead of my dad's. FML
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Top comments
poopface82 25
Evidently “cobblers” is Cockney rhyming slang for testicles. I’m not sure where this story took place, but the farther from the UK it is, the more bizarre it is that someone used Cockney for “suck my balls” as a retort to someone asking for an apology.
RichardPencil 32
What are you going to do when the shoemakers show up? I'll bet the vicar thinks your husband needs them to repair his sole!
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
What are you going to do when the shoemakers show up? I'll bet the vicar thinks your husband needs them to repair his sole!
Marcella1016 32
*My husband is such an asshole FTFY
poopface82 25
Evidently “cobblers” is Cockney rhyming slang for testicles. I’m not sure where this story took place, but the farther from the UK it is, the more bizarre it is that someone used Cockney for “suck my balls” as a retort to someone asking for an apology.
BurnInDemonFire 39
You could have sent the poor guy to a hotel for a day so he didn't have to hear it. He couldn't have stopped you, but you didn't have to make him listen to all that noise on his doorstep. I wouldn't want it myself, but if I knew it was coming I'd make arrangements to avoid it.