Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, I spent way too long baby-talking my neighbor’s dog through the fence, calling him "the cutest, sweetest baby." It turned out that my neighbor was sitting on the other side of the fence the entire time, out of view, quietly giggling at me. FML
Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month-old on the (carpeted) floor in the living room. When I woke up, my daughter had bombed her diaper, and her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen. FML
Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML
Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year-old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML
Today, I was sitting in the living room with my husband when we heard a baby coo. This would have been adorable, if we had a baby. FML
Today, I enjoyed a romantic evening at home with my husband while a babysitter took care of my 5-year-old daughter. After she came home, she told me the sitter let her use her "weird swing." I wasn't too worried, until she said it was indoors, and I realized she was describing a sex swing. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
Today, I tried to bond with my baby nephew by making funny faces at him. He stared at me like I was the most confusing creature he had ever seen, then burst into tears so loud it scared the dog. FML
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Top comments
aabhasj 20
dog turned out to be friendly so its still kinda cute even though its not ur dog.
FlamingColor 30
At least the dog was friendly and in the holiday sprit! :D
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Comments (68)
Zwerik 31
Guess the dog was... swinging it. I'll let myself out.
SnowxSakura 17
Please do.
Ang3lofd3ath167 18
I don't get why people down vote puns
Zwerik 31
Only the terrible ones, I guess.
Railroader 16
but the terrible ones are the best
gamermonster 34
@24 they are called terrible for a reason... Terrible things can't be the best at the same time.
mariri9206 32
but all puns are, essentially, "terrible" and that's why they're so great.
Lalala579121 28
Not all puns are created equal.
uchihastephy88 25
#31, not entirely true; ever played Cards Against Humanity?
weird_adult 27
Another christmas present!
FlamingColor 30
At least the dog was friendly and in the holiday sprit! :D
LycanGod 27
Maybe the stray dog was just tasting his next meal?
ThrottleJockey 36
Baby; the other other white meat!
sammiaaron 16
#54 how ignorant can you be? stop classifying babies.
Dinonick 15
Heath concerns aside that's still absolutely adorable
LycanGod 27
no such thing as health concerns aside... never know what kind of disease a stray dog might have
PandaLord 15
Children actually need to get in contact with bacteria and dirt. Otherwise their imune system would not develope sufficiently. Random fact: Their's a saying in german that goes "Kinder sollen auch mal dreck essen" wich means roughly translated "children should eat dirt from time to time".
Seabass_Chan 33
Please forgive those of us that don't decide to take childcare advise from the Germans.
gracehi 33
Good news is that since the dog is gentle and friendly it probably has a family and just got lost, which means it's likely the dog is vaccinated.
nemcali 34
We don't know if it was a stray dog. Maybe it belongs to one of the neighbours and it's perfectly vaccinated :)
blazingshot147 19
#19 Maybe thats why I rarely get sick and I'm bare minimum hygienic (shower once a day, brush, etc) and my sister gets sick at least three or four times a month and she's a germaphobe... Eitherway, happy dog, happy baby, who's the loser here again?
sweetbliss3 37
how does an animal get in your house without you noticing? maybe you can keep him?
MoxleyCrue 17
It's probably a lost dog with a family looking for it. Found dog flyers, a non-emergency call to the police department to report it found, and a full body scan for a microchip are all in order.
aabhasj 20
dog turned out to be friendly so its still kinda cute even though its not ur dog.
GamingTroller101 12
But as a parent you would think of any negative things that could happen. For example rabies. The owner might have not gotten his shot in a while and the dog got rabies.
MyUsernameisEpic 29
At least this isn't a "dingo ate my baby" situation.
writerchic85 26
Was it a neighbors dog or a stray? Because if it's a stray, merry Christmas! Enjoy your new pet!
thefmlman2011 37
I've had a strange cat come in, I looked up the stairs and it was casually chilling on the landing.
Joshawott 21
Wait, I think OP needs to clarify - are we talking about a neighbour's or a stray dog entering your home, or a ghost dog? Details are important OP.
B1ackFr1day 10
I'm thinking ghost