audreyav
Dallas, United States
Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
upliftmofo
Belgium
Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML
hoo flung pu
United States
Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML
crazycatlady
Ashland, United States
Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML
Anonymous
Reno, United States
Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Laura
Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML
GrossedOut
United States
Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML
toothpastecat
Canada
Poor kitty
Today, I was brushing my teeth. As I bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spat a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML
Pooped
United States
Time to go to the vet
Today, my cat is extremely sick and has trouble grooming himself. As evidenced by his butt. He laid on me for a while and it wasn't until a few minutes after he got off that I realized he had stained my pants. That also explains why my chair suddenly looks so nasty, and why my room smells horrible. FML
Jim20
Friedberg, Germany
Revenge is sweet
Today, I found out my sister scratches her butt with my toothbrush every time she is mad with me. FML
Top comments
notyobitch 0
Most things sit butthole first.
nslurve 4
I failed to think of a clever comment.
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Comments (139)
smilepatrol 7
Aw, he's trying to help. JK My dog sits on my face a lot. They just don't understand boundaries.
Ririshi 0
Facials?
somewizdom 15
I feel offended by all this pussy/butthole talk..
grannygruber 6
If so easily offended you shouldn't be on FML! Yes, it's bad taste, but on a site called F my life, what exactly did you expect?
mkimbee 9
Gee Scoobs, somebody like, sure doesn't get sarcasm!
mizuki123 8
That's not true at all. Make-up is not made out of bat poop.
candylandy 1
You don't need makeup to be pretty :)
Nevereverland 8
That's true..especially if you're pretty on the inside.
ninjapiratejesus_fml 20
I wish there were more people like you in our society. The orange-skinned, bleached blondes seem to be winning the battle where I live.
chaseskates 0
So my guess is you live in New Jersey?
proz 2
everything needs some pleasuring...
donut_gurl 8
try putting it away when ur not using it? its not that hard to do
Enslaved 38
Guano you talking about!?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
This reminds me of my cat. He went into the shower (while I wasn't using it) and peed directly above the drain. Potty trained kitty ^.^
gracehi 33
LUCKY! My cat pees in my bathtub near the back, so it goes all over the tub before it goes down the drain. I think he's trying to tell me something...
SanpakuEyes 18
My cat did this in the bathroom sink >
grannygruber 6
Maybe you should try keeping it in your makeup bag. The brush that is, not the cat!
Enslaved 38
You never know-- what can tickle a hole.