Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his house. Apparently, I ruined the surprise party he'd planned for me, and now he’s upset with me. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML
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Top comments
DameGreyWulf 1
God damn, that is just grade A bullshit right there. Well, at least you aren't the other woman. Just think; everyone knows she's a **** now, getting preggers from someone's HUSBAND. You on the other hand have one less asshole in your life.
Luckster 0
When you divorce him, squeeze every penny out of the bastard!
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Comments (159)
SickOrSane 0
You're welcome to bring the beer and porno over to my place. You can come too if you'd like. Also, guy's a douche, here's hoping he was the bread winner and you'll be getting half of his shit.
wafflemonger 0
That's a surprise any guy would love. You sound like an awesome wife. He doesn't deserve you.
fatass123 0
Who needs a husband when you have a case of beer and a porno?
oopsie_daisy8446 0
YDI for renting **** and bringing home beer. You sick hillibillies.
zeorox 18
Just for the record I meant to thumbs down this and hit thumbs up, so add negative two this response - one to remove my thumbs up and one for the thumbs down I meant. Regardless of whether or not you think it was classy, no one deserves to be cheated on. Judgmental douche.
manturay9 0
any girl who would do that for u sounds like one awesome chick!!!
nikkiadiel 0
Sounds like both of you are real classy...
uberfial 0
YDI for having a husband
usernameaz09_ 0
Look on the bright side: you still have **** and beer.
veelababe09 0
wow that really sucks! he seems like an ass anyways. u can do better than tht!
fins4586 0
who would leave a woman who randomly brings home a case of beer and a porno? That's a dream girl in my book! What a loser....