Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his house. Apparently, I ruined the surprise party he'd planned for me, and now he’s upset with me. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML
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Top comments
DameGreyWulf 1
God damn, that is just grade A bullshit right there. Well, at least you aren't the other woman. Just think; everyone knows she's a **** now, getting preggers from someone's HUSBAND. You on the other hand have one less asshole in your life.
Luckster 0
When you divorce him, squeeze every penny out of the bastard!
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Comments (159)
lockjaw_fml 0
you sound like a keeper to me
suckmysarcasm 10
i agree with #67 she is the best wife ever to want to spend a romantic evening with her husband and get him beer and a porno too. that like a 100 point bonus. ^^ although im more of a smirnoff man myself. ^^
mikel81 0
Beer and ****??? Sounds like he junked the lexus to drive the mini van.....
girl_oftha_year 0
omg whats wrong with watching **** with your man? Especially husband? And beer, wow, do you think that maybe he likes beer and she was trying to be sweet, the **** was for before the sex. Its not trashy, its not classy, its ******* love you assholes.
Kofu 0
That is amazing. I hope you realize that 95% of all men who just read that story are now in love with you. Take your pick, doll.
DropBear2 0
wow....since when does sex always have to be romantic? ... sex is just supposed to be fun- and if he (like most guys) likes beer and **** then its cool that she brings that home... and ****** up that he cheated on her
kittydelusional 0
can you say redneck? c;
dangletsbang21 0
agree with 10 :)
Camels 1
Poor you. ):
withasmile 3
Most men look at ****. Many men drink beer. if you love your man, you do things to make HIm happy. Thats not trashy! Thats fun! He's an idiot and you are better off - sorry! And to those that think it's trashy - good luck if you get married. Repressed people aren't likely to be too happy either!