Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his house. Apparently, I ruined the surprise party he'd planned for me, and now he’s upset with me. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML
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Top comments
DameGreyWulf 1
God damn, that is just grade A bullshit right there. Well, at least you aren't the other woman. Just think; everyone knows she's a **** now, getting preggers from someone's HUSBAND. You on the other hand have one less asshole in your life.
Luckster 0
When you divorce him, squeeze every penny out of the bastard!
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Comments (159)
blahblahblah43 0
why would you rent a porno????? the beer part is ok, but ****???? no wonder he left you!!!!
haishawna 0
oh yeah, cause a case of beer and **** is so damn romantic..
0neiros 14
Don't listen to these Brie and Wine Douchebags posting here. You did not deserve to be cheated on and dumped like that. You sound like a woman who wants to make her man happy. Nail him in divorce court, and find you a guy who would be overjoyed to have a woman who brings home Beer and **** for some fun. You're a keeper.
BallsMcLongcock4 8
Beer and ****, well tel hell with the husband come marry me! :)
amaranthphantom 0
YDI for being white trash.
oasisaddict 0
aw... and he never told you about the girlfriend the whole time? and now she´s pregnant? Perfect!
Phoenix_fml 13
you still gonna drink that case?
tyler907 10
YDI. shouldnt have cheated on him, bitch.
MsSippi 0
she didn't cheat on him.. ?? what are you even talking about??
tony8pie 0
Shouldn't you be telling your story to Jerry Springer?
3P0N1N3 0
Really, you sound like every man's dream wife...