Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML
Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML
Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML
Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML
Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML
Today, I went to a park to relax and read a book. A dog came up and started sniffing me. I tried to shoo it away, but it sat on my lap, and refused to move. His owner came up to me, laughed, and said, "Congratulations, you've been chosen!" as I tried to get rid of the mud all over my thighs. FML
Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML
Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML
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Top comments
iJeremyTyler 0
You're his territory now.
dolphincheddar 10
Maybe roleplaying as a fire hydrant isn't a good idea
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Comments (111)
HomeAl0ne 20
It's doggy-speak for "This relationship isn't working out. It's not me, it's you".
ghettojoker 4
your his bitch now lol
Stevefett 0
You probably look like a tree or fire hydrant.
paradiseisland01 0
he just wanted to tell you that he owned your azzs
Calyx_fml 22
Watch the dog whisperer.
Drichard512 0
cherish the moments, my dogs getting put to sleep in 2 days and the wait is unbareable
sparxva 12
Even your dog thinks you need to shower more often. Take a hint.
sparxva 12
Also, after you correct your own personal hygiene issues, give your dog obedience training in case this is a dominance issue.
tal26ful 0
that's good! it means you are his territory!
kickbusch 12
Dogs do that either as a sign of submission or if they want to claim beloved persons, so that no other dog can "take" them. Doesn't mean you should let them, but it's not all that bad. :-)