Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML
Today, my fiancé asked me to do some manscaping. I got a little overzealous and now I look like a 12-year-old boy with razor burn. FML
Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML
Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me how she got the scars on her legs. I'd assumed they were self-harm scars. Nope, apparently getting sliced up turns her on, and if I want a good sex life, I'd better get used to cutting her thighs with a razor. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML
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Top comments
Xquisite1 28
Wow! Balls the size of a globe....now tell me--How do you find underwear to fit your massive man globes?
skitzofunia88 8
His balls genius
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Comments (149)
MexicanObama 15
As I had never heard the term "globes" before, I assumed it must have meant ass cheeks, balls just doesn't make sense with the Scissorhands comment.
geod69 8
Classic
Benji55 1
Lol your wife must be atlas if she ever has to hold those up
Heinousness 0
Why?
Akharr01 5
Ohhh i seeeee
Mkelsie 1
Today, My cat farted in my face and woke me up from a great nap. FML
Mkelsie 1
Today, My cat farted in my face and woke me up from a great nap. FML
KatieKupcake4195 9
One time I had really bad cramps that felt like just super sharp stabbing pains and I was in tears saying "I feel like I'm being fingered by Edward Scissorhands! D':" >.
ddogsmooth 2
Fisting really?
cfl383 0
Jokes on her.... Stop shaving haha