Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML
Today, my fiancé asked me to do some manscaping. I got a little overzealous and now I look like a 12-year-old boy with razor burn. FML
Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML
Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me how she got the scars on her legs. I'd assumed they were self-harm scars. Nope, apparently getting sliced up turns her on, and if I want a good sex life, I'd better get used to cutting her thighs with a razor. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML
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Top comments
Xquisite1 28
Wow! Balls the size of a globe....now tell me--How do you find underwear to fit your massive man globes?
skitzofunia88 8
His balls genius
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Comments (149)
iseyixes 18
Well when your girlfriend has her monthly visit you can accuse her of the same.
twilightluvr101 4
Maybe op should get his girlfriend to kiss the cuts and make them all better ;-)
GoW_Chick 15
I think someones girlfriend got into the yaoi craze, nothing wrong with sexual curiosity.
hjanelle14 2
Johnny Depp could get me to do anything (and I mean anything). he's too hot to say no to...
holly_pop 6
At least she referenced Edward Scissorhands and not Freddy Kruger.
dude1122332 9
Hahahaha
samm_pd 0
the fact that u let edward scissorhands get anywhere NEAR your globes baffles me . . . you're one crazy SOB !!!!!!!
SeemsToFail 0
I can honestly say I dint know guys shaved there 0.0
thats_my_job 11
I dated a guy who didn't and it was gross. Some guys probably aren't as bad though but man I take care of mine he should do the same. I mean, unless your the Zohan then you get the free pass :)
thats_my_job 11
Shit, I made it sound like I have balls lol *hides in corner* I swear I don't but I do take care of myself.
tdawg4200 0
That's hilarious. Funniest thing I've read today.
Rainbow_dumpster 28
This FML made my day. :D