Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML
Today, my fiancé asked me to do some manscaping. I got a little overzealous and now I look like a 12-year-old boy with razor burn. FML
Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML
Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me how she got the scars on her legs. I'd assumed they were self-harm scars. Nope, apparently getting sliced up turns her on, and if I want a good sex life, I'd better get used to cutting her thighs with a razor. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML
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Top comments
Xquisite1 28
Wow! Balls the size of a globe....now tell me--How do you find underwear to fit your massive man globes?
skitzofunia88 8
His balls genius
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Comments (149)
rubberduckie94 13
You sound just a little to metrosexual to be out there fisting girls.
justlo 0
I would think the fact that you can fist your girl is the worst part of this...
teague95 16
Do you need me to read the FML for you? It's okay no one will judge
ImInYourFACEbook 8
Where is everyone getting that OP fisted his girlfriend? I read it 3 times and I just don't understand how you all came up with this conclusion.
TheLoneWandererX 2
Bro....cmon maan!
birdfreak 24
Lol well at least you got fisted by a hot guy :) I
periwinkle95 10
Dude.. No one got fisted. And for the record OP is a guy, and I don't think he's gay.
ohmandapants 17
^ naw man, she meant Edward Scissorhands was hot.
perdix 31
She just wants an excuse to fantasize about Johnny Depp when you're boning her.
jeob1992 8
You are quickly becoming one of my favorite commenters
PierceMePretty 0
Who wouldn't? It's Johnny freaking Depp :D
perdix 31
#56. Me, for one. I don't go that way.
GoW_Chick 15
I'm more for one too go for brad pitt, you know from his fight club days, that movie has gotten me through some lonely nights... What it's not story time?
enopola 5
Did these lonely nights involve fisting?
mama2b3 20
Being fisted by Edward Scissor Hands sounds like the most painful thing I can think of. Even being fisted at all sounds quite unpleasant. Although I would probably do anything Johnny Depp(minus the scissor hands) asked of me, cuz he's a god.
PierceMePretty 0
You, my dear, have your head screwed on the right way. c:
Fml_FTW228 10
N
hjanelle14 2
considering it was Johnny Depp asking, I might not mind the scissors (I'm a bit masochistic)
Ghouly_fml 7
24- I know of one thing and one thing only that's worse Being fisted by chuck Norris O.o
madison8895 11
Hahahahaha.
KiddNYC1O 22
That's crazy.
lizard399 0
Didn't your balls hurt enough from cuts? Did she really need to salt the wound? She's ruthless..
2cute4u_18 1
Edward must be dynamite in the sack!!!!!;)
RedPillSucks 33
Not in the nut sack. That would be an odd place to hold dynamite.
japtch 15
Pun intended?