Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML
Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML
Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML
Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML
Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML
Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year-old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML
Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RainbowDashie140 12
Playboy level: Your Son
Marty20612 5
Lol that's funny:) He's already a lady's man
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (132)
350Rocket 6
At five years old your kid shouldn't be in a day care, he should be in kindergarten. Get it together.
kabza 13
what a boss
onorexveritas 24
there was a kid like that when I was in first grade.
redreynard 14
Ah yes, the True Hollywood Story of Hugh Hefner.
nishantvas 13
haha my kid brother does the same in my colony, girls fight over him on whose home he's gonna go and play !! better than me i'd say... :/
DanielBenyamin 18
YOUR SON IS A LEGEND!!!! Don't hate the player, hate the game!
Martnikk 15
And how is this a FML
tj4234 36
holy shit, ask him to teach me his ways.
adorable6 14
Pimp player
NoFlippinWai 24
Dont lose sleep. Baby teeth are supposed to fall out. He may be the cause of the fight but he didnt start it. It could be worse, you could have a brawler instead of a charmer.