Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML
Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML
Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML
Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML
Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML
Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year-old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML
Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML
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Top comments
RainbowDashie140 12
Playboy level: Your Son
Marty20612 5
Lol that's funny:) He's already a lady's man
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Comments (132)
delaneyluke 5
And your answer is remove him from daycare?? I think some parenting would help.
klovemachine 24
I don't think OP had a choice. Daycare probably kicked the child out
Knightchaser27 25
I guess the day care wasn't ready for a five year old Hugh Hefner
musiciangirl591 16
if he's this much of a ladies' man at the age of 5, i wonder what he's going to be like when he gets into high school!
randombleeps 11
haha you raised a lady killer!!!
HortonThelephant 15
Your son is a bona fide P.I.M.P! If he stars going by the name "Gator" you might have a slight problem.
wessly13 10
Lol, i see what you did there....;)
chanellgymnast 17
Your son is a prophet.
Uhscanherdarklee 10
Ya, for the Hunger Games.
Sekkaichi 12
Where did you get prophet from? e-e
Pstraka6 20
I have a feeling you'll be telling your son this story come a few years down the road
karlcolt45 19
FUTURE: a day in the life of Thailand episode 6, An Eight year old pimp
zombieslayer83 19
Sweet! Baby fight club!
gameover18 17
I'm 18 and I can't do that. I have a feeling your kid is going to pass on his genes before I do.
perdix 31
The "Girls Gone Wild" dude went bankrupt -- I think we have his successor!