Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML
Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML
Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML
Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML
Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML
Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year-old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML
Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML
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Top comments
RainbowDashie140 12
Playboy level: Your Son
Marty20612 5
Lol that's funny:) He's already a lady's man
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Comments (132)
Pleonasm 36
Charles Manly-son.
jessi_sunshine 26
Maybe he can give you a few tips? Seriously, though, OP, perhaps you should sit him down and have a chat.
lonewolf621 17
We have a little trouble maker here.
AngelSpit 18
Hey the daycare doesn't have to Tate that kind of abuse from your child they should be learning to be part of a Family and strive for Sharon and cooperation. Would it Kill you to keep your kid in line the world's Helter-Skelter enough sheesh
jessi_sunshine 26
Maybe he can give you some tips? No, but seriously, OP, maybe it's time to sit him down and have a chat?
Marty20612 5
Lol that's funny:) He's already a lady's man
whos_ur_daddy1 19
He's going to be a heart breaker one day!
Uhscanherdarklee 10
Or a face breaker if he continues to have women fight over him.
whos_ur_daddy1 19
Not a bad life haha
Bubbelz 25
He's a tooth breaker already!
shyeahh_fml 19
Your son is a badass!
miss_madison 10
Her son is Dean Winchester.
RainbowDashie140 12
Playboy level: Your Son
greatdanen 6
his skill level is over 9000!!
NoFlippinWai 24
WHAT? 9000?
Dashelle 25
We got another Hugh Hefner
Eorlas 31
I hope he's capitalizing on that skill.
klovemachine 24
Future pimp :-D
kingdrizzt 5
At 5???? O.o
lmasters35 5
Did you miss the part where it says "FUTURE" pimp? As in, NOT right now?
groovycrazyjoe 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
may the best toddler win Jk tell him to choose one
lilhellian 27
How does Johnny Knoxvill fit into this comment?
snugglesMcGee199 23
May the odds be ever in your favor!!!!!!
Authoress14 15
I see a CIA operative in his future career
musiciangirl591 16
"the name's bond, james bond" :P
iLike2Teabag 27
Because James Bond is totally CIA and totally American. C'mon man.
Catkam623 27
*the names Leiter... Felix Leiter.
musiciangirl591 16
34- i saw CIA operative and its the first thing that popped into my head :P
Crazynopantsman 11
Bourne, Jason Bourne.
Catkam623 27
Bourne was ex medusa then treadstone. He was only used by the CIA wasn't actually a operative.
Linebacker74 8
Dammit 114 let us have this one thing
DejonE 10
Just wait till high school
lennelleong 33
What, are you gonna make him wear a chastity belt & groin lock before high school? (: Kids are so sexually precocious these days....
AnimeBitch 14
Welcome to the Jersey Shore Day Care :).
CatchMe25 16
Ahh the joys of young love! Haha
RainbowDashie140 12
They're 5 years old. Get real.
someteenager 13
I think she was joking
CatchMe25 16
I apologize that my own brand of wit has been lost on you and you felt the need to spread your unhappiness. You should work on that and try not to take yourself so seriously! (Sarcasm indicated)