Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML
Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML
Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML
Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML
Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML
Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year-old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML
Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML
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Top comments
RainbowDashie140 12
Playboy level: Your Son
Marty20612 5
Lol that's funny:) He's already a lady's man
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Comments (132)
amifaiyaz 12
He's a heartbreaker.
soopafreak 11
Why is your child in daycare at the age of 5? He should be in kindergarten.
evilplatypus 39
Not usually. Most people begin kindergarten when they're five. It's likely at the start of this school year he was four and turned five sometime during the year.
NoFlippinWai 24
Or it may be after school daycare. Parents usually work 8hour shifts. Kindergarden and pre-k are usually only 4 hours long.
gummybear1996 13
I was 5 for almost 9 months before I went to kindergarten. That was a fun time for my mom. Someone had made the mistake of telling me when you're 5 you go to big kid school. My mom had to spend almost every morning chasing me to go to day care because I wanted to go to big kid school instead
peacelovecoffee 20
Well she was going to lose it sooner or later!!!
Pearls16 6
Future politician...
AlexiAwesome 10
Awww :) your baby's a scrapper
jreid21 6
What, did he promise to sleep on both of their mats at nap time or something? Lol
alison98hp 8
Future Barney Stinson right there.,,,
pagefault2k 8
The first rule of daycare fight club is you don't talk about daycare fight club.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Lol ladies man
BrookieAnn 19
Your kid gets more action than my boyfriend ha cool