Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa, and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML
Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face", while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML
Today, I visited my family. Over the course of 2 hours, my brother punched me, and my mom slapped me across the face after drinking way too much wine. When I started gathering my things to leave, my mom started crying about how I don't visit enough. FML
Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML
Today, and since we've had our baby, my mother-in-law started coming round more often, then bringing her stuff to stay overnight, then started claiming she lived here, and got hysterical when we told her she doesn’t. I had to pick her up and place her outside while she punched me in the head repeatedly. FML
Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, my crazy drug-addict mother kicked me out of the house after siding with my crazy, drug-addict aunt, who'd just threatened to slit my throat. FML
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Top comments
mamamiaaa_fml 12
Call the popo on the nanny for child endangerment who cares about the mother-in-law in a situation like this?
itsmygoodlife 4
Wow. Great nanny.
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Comments (155)
DarkRemorse 1
Who cares about the mil Fire the nanny
bizarre_ftw 22
Fire the bitch and say you were robbed
TehShowstopper 6
and you are spending your time on fml and not cleaning up?
Royalblood211 0
Wow .. That's a ****** up afternoon lol
shot3 0
Good time for Nanny 911??? No really, report that shit, That's f'ed up....:/
raybeam76 0
that's what you get for hiring a nanny instead of taking care of your own kid!
botdffan4 3
Time to change the nanny
ziggyzoola 3
you sound like an awful mom. what sort of mother leaves her two-year old at home to go drinking?
cuddles6350439 4
Are you stupid?? She said that the NANNY was drunk, not that SHE was drunk. You sound like an awful person. You can't even read.
Attica 20
You're an idiot.
la6437 0
Why not do something about it instead of moaning on fml?!
daytoday21 10
Wow that's awful, glad your kids ok. Should have vetted her better?