Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa, and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML
Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face", while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML
Today, I visited my family. Over the course of 2 hours, my brother punched me, and my mom slapped me across the face after drinking way too much wine. When I started gathering my things to leave, my mom started crying about how I don't visit enough. FML
Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML
Today, and since we've had our baby, my mother-in-law started coming round more often, then bringing her stuff to stay overnight, then started claiming she lived here, and got hysterical when we told her she doesn’t. I had to pick her up and place her outside while she punched me in the head repeatedly. FML
Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, my crazy drug-addict mother kicked me out of the house after siding with my crazy, drug-addict aunt, who'd just threatened to slit my throat. FML
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Top comments
mamamiaaa_fml 12
Call the popo on the nanny for child endangerment who cares about the mother-in-law in a situation like this?
itsmygoodlife 4
Wow. Great nanny.
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Comments (155)
mosquito19 14
let me guess, your nanny got drunk off your alcohol.
sharktat2 10
This fml sounds like a nightmare...hope it all gets better...as far as the nanny goes she definitely needs to be arrested!
roflmaotff 0
Awsome choice in who I leave ur kid with terrible thumbs down
eveadamsnyc 2
Call the police on the nanny.
beckaxoxo 5
Well i was adopted so whats wrong with that? And im pretty sure the mom didnt do it in purpose so calm down everyone.
OmNomNomCookies 0
That's why you don't hire illegals to watch your kids.
JayJavaMonsterr 10
Uhmmm... yeah, you seriously need to find a new nanny...
RNS1997 0
Yeah, really. It sounds like a movie.
Track1991 0
Beat the nanny
thatsmylyfe 13
I would most definitely call the police on the nanny for endangering a child AND neglect!!! NO EXCUSES UNBELIEVABLE!!