Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight after the gym. Then, a cheesecake I'd baked for a client cracked all the way through. Then, my oven broke as I was trying to make a new one, so I left to bake it at a friend's house, at which point I locked my keys and all of my supplies inside my car. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, I got home from a holiday to find out that my flatmate had thrown a party. Everything seemed fine at first, then I noticed that someone had taken a dump in my running shoes that were in my bedroom closet. FML
Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML
Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML
Today, I asked my new girlfriend if she was feeling alright, since she is on her period for the first time since we started dating. I got an empty cereal bowl thrown at my head. Question asked and answered. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
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Top comments
mikepzz 27
I wish you luck good sir.
have_a_moment 0
Buy chocolate. Tons of chocolate.
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Comments (281)
irish_ballplayer 2
If you can dodge a shoe you can dodge a ball.
jjacci 12
I'd say you said something to provoke contact with the shoe. Like, "uh oh." or "but...I wanted cheesecake!"
Psychology_13 8
at least it wasn't a devoured apple pie, and american pie was playing.
Jirekianu2 19
Because we all know having slight hormone shifts and cramping is a valid excuse to throw things at people and abuse your partner.
Attica 20
slight...SLIGHT? You're a guy, aren't you? Go look at some medical graphs.
Jirekianu2 19
Is it an amount of hormone shifting that require a prescription or doctor's visit to deal with? No? Then yes it's manageable and should be able to be dealt with in a way that doesn't involve abusing everyone around you. I've been suicidally depressed from clinical depression and had mood swings. I've also gone into pain induced shock before. You know what I didn't do in those emotionally volatile situations? Shit on everyone around me and throw things at people I care about. I get that the hormones involved can have a big impact on a person's mood and that it can be cery uncomfortable. That's still no excuse to throw shit or hit people.
HentaiBunny 4
This sounds like any girl any time of the month..
lovecrazy12 14
Oh I feel her right now. I've been crying all night.
iHeartRKO 5
Box of chocolates, Romeo + Juliet = my kind of period
Aliserguy 2
buy a lot of chocolate a puppy and some chick flicks and stay at a hotel
okibi1 20
WTF. I am a woman and have had periods that make me irritable and cry and be mean, but why take it out on your boyfriend?? OP, I'm sorry. That girl needs a reality check. Raging hormones and PMS don't equal treat people like shit.
Warden1986 16
Reminds me of Austin Power. " honestly who throws a shoe?!"