Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight after the gym. Then, a cheesecake I'd baked for a client cracked all the way through. Then, my oven broke as I was trying to make a new one, so I left to bake it at a friend's house, at which point I locked my keys and all of my supplies inside my car. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, I got home from a holiday to find out that my flatmate had thrown a party. Everything seemed fine at first, then I noticed that someone had taken a dump in my running shoes that were in my bedroom closet. FML
Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML
Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML
Today, I asked my new girlfriend if she was feeling alright, since she is on her period for the first time since we started dating. I got an empty cereal bowl thrown at my head. Question asked and answered. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
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Top comments
mikepzz 27
I wish you luck good sir.
have_a_moment 0
Buy chocolate. Tons of chocolate.
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Comments (281)
EmoSquirrel 7
Be strong, you are a SURVIVOR. Might also want to look into living in the car for a few days, last resort. That kind of thing.
kjoy0402 6
You could deserve it
kriz_allizwell 6
Dude rub some nail polish remover on her tampons or panties. It's totally transparent. That'll teach her.
Linaelle 14
I have to wonder : are you crazy, or just plain stupid ? Do you know how dangerous and painful that would be ? (Plus it may be transparent but the awful stench of that product would give it away).
kriz_allizwell 6
I've tried this on my sis. The smell of blood masks other smells so well, and the effect was so BURN!!!
Mahtari 19
Ydi for having a girlfriend.
Kazeriu 12
Your girlfriend sucks for using her period as an excuse to pig out and bully you. FYL.
HunterAlpha1 8
"Never trust something that can bleed for a week without dying." truer words never spoken.
krs7g4 8
First of all, it isn't 'bleeding'. It's shedding the lining, (which is tissue, and yes I know blood is tissue, but the lining of the uterus isn't just blood) of the uterus. Secondly, not all women are insane on their period.
melody309 35
245, thank you! I was wondering if anyone would catch that.
Omnirod 4
She sound insane. Put that trash on the curb.
Stella836475 7
I don't like the notebook. Men dont do anything like the guy did in the movie, because it's a movie!! Women just need to lower there standards like I did.
Cierus 5
Or raise your standards, my guy does everything from making sure I'm comfortable paying for everything I think he even got his pride hurt when I paid for groceries.
krs7g4 8
No one should be that crazy on their period. I have severe pain and a 7 day period and I'm not that crazy. I've been to the ER several times on Shark Week but I have never assaulted my man. Sometimes I do feel like crying for no reason, but I suppress the urge.
Jessiegirl122 7
And we have these horrid things once a month to carry your children. Be grateful guys!